"Does it bother you?"
"No. In times of war, everyone pitches in however they have to."
"Do you think we're at war?"
He hesitated. "It was a figure of speech. We're not necessarily at war, but we are on high alert."
"I don't know. Over the last year, it's felt a lot like war to me."
He poured the sauce in the bottom of an oval casserole dish before he topped the mixture with the mashed potatoes in another pot. After he slid the entire thing in the oven and set a timer, he faced me.
"Why does it feel like war?" he asked.
He sipped his wine while I tried to think of the best way to express my thoughts.
Finally, I said, "Every day is another battle to get a piece of myself back. Pieces that may be lost forever. Rhiannon and Caleb took so much from me. It was only a week, but it's also every day. Every night. Sometimes I'll see something out of the corner of my eye and turn around, expecting one of them to be there, just waiting to pounce on me." My mouth was dry so I drank a bit of my own wine. "I don't have days where I feel like just Merry anymore. It's like I've been shattered and glued back together, but there are slivers missing. Not just one or two, but hundreds. Some days, I feel like I've found one of them and it slides into place. Other days, I wonder if this isn't all a dream and I'm still trapped in that house with them."
I hadn't meant to say all of that. Marcus didn't need to know the fucked-up state of my mind. Sure, he probably had a pretty good idea of how messed up I was since he'd been in my nightmares, but somehow this felt different.
I had a choice to tell him all of these things.
In my dreams, that choice was taken away from me.
Marcus put his wine aside and walked over to me, stopping only a few inches away. His eyes were calm and kind as his gaze locked on mine. His blue eyes were no longer brilliant jewels, but darker, like the ocean at night.
"I can promise you that this isn't a dream. You're free from Rhiannon. She is gone and she is never coming back. I know what it's like to find yourself in a totally new world, feeling as though you've been broken beyond repair. I've seen into your heart and your mind, Merry. You are stronger than anyone I've ever met, including me. You will continue to get better. You might never be the same as you were, but this is forging you into the person you were meant to be. And brought you to the people you were meant to meet."
His fingers touched my hand and I stifled a gasp. The simple contact brought my entire body to attention. As I looked into his eyes, I realized that the difference was his intention.
Right now, Marcus was looking down at me with pure emotion in his eyes. He wasn't hiding what he felt behind the stoic mask he seemed to wear most of the time. He wanted me to know what he was thinking. What he was feeling.
And, boy, did I feel it.
He'd said something to this effect earlier and part of me had dismissed it, but I couldn't any longer.
I was meant to be here, right here, with Marcus.
I'd never believed in fate. Until this moment.
He squeezed my hand and took a step back. "I need to finish dinner."
I wanted to reach out and stop him, but I held myself back.
I remembered the kiss in our dream last night. I wanted to experience that in reality, but Marcus seemed determined to give me time. I knew he worried that I would change my mind.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that time was running out.
