It was.
I tucked my head under his chin and closed my eyes.
"Night, Jay."
I felt his lips on my hair before he said, "Night, Lee."
And that was the last thing I remembered.
18
After that night, my life with J.J. felt more like a real marriage.
We got up together in the morning and did our usual things—him going for a run or to the gym for a quick workout and me working in the garden, tending to the fall garden I'd planted.
Then, we'd usually shower together and most of the time we would end up making love either in the shower or on the bed after.
Sometimes, we made love before the shower because even sweaty from his workouts, J.J. was too sexy to resist.
After the shower was breakfast, which we usually cooked together, and he would head to the office while I either studied, went to a house cleaning job, or logged on for one of my online classes.
If I wasn't working, we would meet at the house or one of the few restaurants in town for lunch and then I would usually go to work at Crave. If it was one of my days off from the shop, I would usually spend the afternoon reading up on pregnancy or re-learning how to crochet. My grandmother had taught me when I was younger but I'd forgotten quite a bit. I wanted to learn so I could make some things for the baby. I also dug my sewing machine out of the storage shed, which irritated J.J. because he was worried it was too heavy for me to be lifting.
On my nights off, we would have dinner together and either watch TV or talk after.
It was what some people would probably call a normal existence, but it felt like bliss to me.
The only mar on those days was how I had to fight the urge to tell him I loved him.
Maybe it made me a coward, but I wasn't ready to deal with any possible negative fallout.
And it was too early. We'd only just made the transition from roommates to lovers and I didn't want him to feel pressured to return my feelings.
Okay, so that was my excuse but I was sticking to it.
I wasn't ready to say it, even though I wanted to every single day.
For his part, J.J. didn't change much except that he was more physically affectionate than before. He would come up behind me when I was washing dishes or cooking dinner and wrap his arms around me. Or if he was the one cooking and I was helping, he would tug me closer to kiss me.
When we sat on the couch to watch TV, he always had an arm wrapped around me or he was touching me in some way. And when we met up for lunch, he always held my hand as we walked together.
I loved it.
Today, our schedule was different, though.
I had the entire day off, from everything. School, house cleaning, and Crave. I had no work of any sort.
J.J. had taken the day off, too, because we were going to the doctor for an ultrasound and to find out the baby's sex.
As we got up and started getting ready for the day, J.J. looked at me and asked, "Are you nervous? I'm nervous."
"I'm more excited than anything." And I was. Ever the planner, I couldn't wait to find out if we were having a boy or girl so I could start stocking up with some basics. Yes, I was only four months pregnant, but I liked to be prepared. "Why are you nervous?"
He shrugged one shoulder and looked down. "I don't know. I guess I'm just worried about how I can mess up."
I took his hand and his eyes came back up to mine. "We're going to make mistakes as parents, Jay, but I still think you're going to be a great dad. And I can promise you, that as long as you show up and show our child love and attention, they'll think you're a great dad, too."
He nodded. "It's just my parents were so...good at being parents. They never seemed phased or overwhelmed. Those are big shoes to fill."
