J.J. shook his head and gave me a loud smacking kiss. "I'll show you an extra minute or two later."
I started to tell him that he was on but my words were interrupted by a huge, jaw-cracking yawn.
He was laughing when I finally stopped the silent scream for sleep. "Okay, maybe I'll show you tomorrow morning."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I feel redeemed if I was able to wear you out in three or four minutes."
I pinched his side and he shimmied underneath me, which made me aware of the wetness between my thighs.
J.J. grimaced. "I think we need to clean up but I'm not sure how to do it without getting the bed messy."
I shrugged. "I have an extra blanket for the bed or we can go sleep in your bed."
"Sit up," he said.
I did as he asked and together we scooted toward the edge of the bed. He was softening inside me but he just put his feet on the ground and stood with me in his arms.
I squeaked and wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his waist, clinging for dear life.
J.J. chuckled against my ear as he carried me into the bathroom and set me on the counter.
I squealed this time when my bare butt met the cold countertop. "Jay!"
He outright laughed as he reached over to the shelf where I kept a neatly folded stack of washcloths and towels. After he wet the cloth with warm water, he reached between us and pressed it between my thighs as he pulled out of my body.
I held the washcloth there while he grabbed another one, wet it, and cleaned up. He tossed the damp cloth in the hamper and turned back to me.
I knew without looking that my hair was a mess and what little make-up I'd put on for work was now worn off, but he was looking at me as if I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
"What is it?" I asked. It hit me that I was sitting in front of him, naked, and in an awkward position.
"Just...looking at you." He came closer and brushed a tangle of hair away from my face. "You're beautiful."
I responded without considering my words as I usually did. "I usually think the same thing about you."
His eyes twinkled and the barest hint of a smile crossed his lips.
I realized what I'd said and lowered my legs to the floor, removing the cloth from between my thighs. I tossed it in the hamper on top of his after I got to my feet. I wasn't sure what to say or do, so I stood in front of him and looked up.
The twinkle in his eye faded when his gaze met mine. "You said we could sleep in my bed if we messed up the comforter. Does that mean I can sleep in here even if it's not?"
Since I couldn't think of a verbal response in an acceptable amount of time, I nodded.
He cupped my cheek. "Then, I'll go brush my teeth and meet you back in here in a few minutes."
He kissed me and disappeared from sight. I stared after him, uncertainty filling me. I had no idea how to navigate this situation.
We were married and had just had sex for the first time since our only sexual encounter nearly four months ago. I was pregnant with his child but we'd agreed the marriage would end at some point.
I rubbed my temples with both hands. My brain hurt just thinking of all this. I should have insisted on outlining expectations completely beforehand. I needed to know what would happen next.
I turned toward the mirror and stared at my reflection. My hair was a mess and my cheeks were pink. I looked relaxed but my mind was anything but.
I took a deep breath and remembered something my grandmother said to me as a child when another little girl on the playground had hurt my feelings by saying she didn't want to play with me.
"You can't control the things other kids say and do, my Lyria." Her dark eyes were gentle and kind as she crouched in front of me. "But you can control your reaction. I know she hurt your feelings and you should acknowledge that. But you have to let it go because it serves no purpose. You can't change her mind or the past. You can only focus on your mind and your future."
