"Do you want to be there?" I asked.
He nodded.
"Then, we need to figure out how to make it work." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. "I don't want to keep you away, Jay."
"You have definite boundaries, Lee. And sometimes it's difficult for me to tell where they are without asking."
"I know. I'm trying to be more upfront about what I'm thinking and feeling, but there are things I'm not sure you'd want to hear."
His head cocked to the side. "Like what?"
I laughed. "For starters, this entire week has been odd for me. Distant and surreal, as if it's happening to someone else. A few weeks ago, we only spoke in passing or through texts and suddenly we're married and in each other's space all the time." He frowned but I forged ahead so he would understand. "I'm not complaining. I'm telling you how it feels...to me. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just a little unsettling because I like to have a plan. You know this about me. It's been my "thing," for lack of a better word, since I was a kid. Lists and plans keep me sane." I paused and saw that he was no longer frowning. "And you haven't exactly told me how it feels to you either. I thought we agreed the sharing thing would be mutual?"
It was his turn to laugh. "True, true. I guess...well, I'm mostly worried about pissing you off."
"Um, what?"
J.J. continued to smile. "Don't look all offended, please. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very aware that I'm in your space and in your life under duress and I don't want you to realize that you don't really want me there and throw me out on my ear."
I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and it wasn't because of morning sickness. "Is that why you've been doing all this..." I trailed off and gestured to the food on the table.
He shook his head. "No, no. You need to eat good food and at least three times a day. It's not that much more work to meal prep for two than it is one. In fact, it's easier because I don't waste as much." He sighed. "What I mean is that I want to be exactly where I am and I understand that this wasn't exactly what you were planning when we hooked up after Cam's wedding."
"You wanted to bemarried?" I asked, more than a little incredulous.
"No, not that. I wanted to be in your life. I wanted to see you, get to know you, and see where that led." He huffed out another laugh. "I got a whole lot more than that and so did you, but I want us to make the best of it if we can."
"So you wanted to date."
"I'm pretty sure we talked about this already," he pointed out.
I nodded and waved a hand at him. "I know, I know, it just didn't sink in at the time because I was a little preoccupied."
He was still smiling, as affable and laid back as ever.
"Do you ever get angry?" I asked him.
He shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes. I'm pretty sure you've seen it once or twice."
I shook my head. "No, I don't think I've ever seen you mad at anyone."
"I used to get mad at Cam a lot. But, mostly, I've learned that anger isn't worth the effort. If something rubs me the wrong way, I speak up. If the other person is willing to be reasonable and discuss it, then we work it out. If not, and I'm able, I walk away."
My eyes burned and my chest ached. That sounded like something my father would say. And considering I thought he was a pretty darn good dad, it made me happy to hear that J.J. thought that way.
It also made my heart open to him a little more.
God, if he kept this up, I'd fall in love with him and end up begging him to stay with me forever by the time the baby was born.
"Just give me some time, Lee," he said. "Please. That's all I'm really asking for—time with you. Just you."
I sniffled a little and gave a watery laugh when he handed me a tissue from Cam's desk. "Sorry, hormones. You sounded a little like my dad, who happens to be the best father I've ever had, so I got a little teary."
J.J. grinned. "Isn't he your only father?"
"Yes, but I tell him I'm going to trade him in for a newer model when he gives me too hard of a time."
"Does that mean you think I'll be a good dad?" he asked. His voice was soft and a little uncertain.
