Technically, what was mine was his and vice versa. Right?
So why did I feel like I needed to ask his permission to take a bath in my own tub, in a house I'd been living in for going on three years?
"Hey, you okay?" J.J. asked from behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder and realized I was blocking his entry into the house. He held two enormous paper bags by their handles in one hand and a couple of gift bags containing wedding gifts in the other.
A sense of surrealism overwhelmed me.
"I'm not sure," I answered honestly, going into the house and moving out of his way so he could put the bags on the table.
J.J. looked down at my feet and winced. "I wouldn't be surprised considering the state of your feet."
"That's not it," I answered as I looked around my kitchen. A kitchen I now shared with J.J. "I think it just hit me that you're here and we're married."
He grinned but the smile fell away when he saw the expression on my face. "Serious second thoughts?" he asked.
I shook my head. "Not exactly. More like questioning why I now feel the need to ask your permission to use my own bathtub. Among other things."
A frown tugged down the corners of his mouth. "You feel like you need my permission to use your own tub?"
I realized my statement didn't make sense. "The only tub is in the guest bath, which I guess is now technically your bathroom. I'm not sure how you feel about people in what you should consider your private space."
J.J. came closer. "Um, if I were renting a room and bathroom from you, maybe I'd have a problem with you taking a bath in my tub, but we're married."
It was my turn to frown. "But not in the traditional sense," I pointed out. "We're not exactly planning to live as man and wife?" I grimaced at the term. "I never realized how much I hate that phrase before. 'Man and wife' as if a woman has no identity of her own unless it's in relation to her husband."
"Is that what you're worried about?" J.J. asked. "That you won't have your own identity now that we're married?"
"Huh?" I shook my head. "Sorry, that was a tangent not me voicing a concern. Though that could become an issue if you show yourself to be a closet misogynist."
J.J. laughed a little and shook his head. "Okay, then we need to get back on track. If you had the only shower in the house in your bathroom, would you be upset if I wanted to use it?" he asked.
I shook my head.
"Then, that's your answer about my feelings on the subject. You want to use my bathroom, go ahead." He stepped closer. "I buy something you like at the grocery store and put it in the fridge, eat it. But maybe save me a piece." Now, he was less than a foot from me, his jacket and tie gone, and his shirt unbuttoned at the throat. "You decide you like my bed better than yours, the left side's free."
I swallowed hard. Suddenly, I was very interested in the left side of Jay's bed and it wasn't because I was exhausted.
When I inhaled, it was shaky. "Same goes for me, except maybe for the bed thing. Scott says you snore."
I hadn't heard it during our night together but we hadn't exactly slept much.
Also, my statement effectively deflated the sultry mood that swelled between us.
J.J. smiled down at me. "Go soak in your tub while I bring the rest of the stuff in. Are you still full or do you want a snack?"
"I may never eat again," I stated, knowing it was a lie. Now that I was approaching the end of my first trimester, there were days that I felt like I could eat everything in sight and still be hungry. After I was done puking my guts up, that was.
"Then, I'll put the food away."
"Thanks," I said.
I moved past him toward the hallway, but he said my name and I stopped to look back at him.
"If any other concerns or even random thoughts cross your mind about you, me, or our marriage, talk to me. Please? I would like for us to be a team." He smiled a little. "And when the baby comes, we'll definitely need to work together."
My answering smile was diminutive as well. "I'll do the best I can if you do the same."
