I opened my mouth then shut it. I had no idea what to say.
"I have no idea how you really feel about this because you haven't talked to me about it yet. I don't want you to feel pressured and I don't want you to feel like you have to hide your feelings from me. When I proposed marriage, I meant a real marriage. But you made it clear that you're not ready for that and I understood. But now I feel like you're already marking down the days until you can file for divorce and I'm worried that you don't want to do this and you feel like you have to."
Whoa, that was...a lot.
I moved to sit next to him, shoving the brown envelope out of the way. I had to gather my courage because other than our first and only night together, I hadn't made the first move in any of our interactions. It had been him asking for more and accepting less.
I reached out and took his hand in mine. "I do want to marry you, J.J. I don't know if I'm ready for 'a real marriage' as you put it, but I want to have a chance to get to know you as a person before our baby comes. And I want you to be a part of the pregnancy because I can tell you really want to be. I also want you to be a part of the baby's life. It's important for the baby and for you and me, too." I swallowed hard. "I can't predict how either of us will feel in six months or a year because even though we've known each other for a long time, it's different when you're romantically involved and living together. For all you know, I could drive you nuts with my need for tidiness or my obsession with having lists and plans for almost every aspect of my life."
"Or I could be a complete slob who drinks beer in my underwear all weekend and refuses to shower," J.J. said.
I laughed a little. "So, what I'm saying, is that I'm okay with starting from a place of friendship but being open to more, but I never wanted you to feel like I expected you to support me financially or that I wanted to take advantage of this situation. That's why I arranged the prenup." I paused. "And you never know, I may own a stake in Cam's franchise in a few years and this prenup could turn out better for me than you."
J.J. laughed and shook his head. "I never could get a read on you when we were kids and I can see it hasn't changed."
"Really?" I asked. "I always felt like I wore my heart on my sleeve."
J.J. scoffed. "Uh, no. You were always so quiet and still. I never could tell what you were thinking until you came out and said it. And half the time, even then it surprised me because it wasn't what I expected."
I squeezed his hand. "Well, then I'll try to be a little more open with you about what I'm thinking."
He stared at me and the sun from my open blinds glinted in his hazel eyes, making them glow. His free hand came up to cup my cheek. "You look so beautiful today."
I swallowed as my heart skipped a few beats. "Thank you. You look handsome, too."
"Think my mother will bust in here and swat me if I give you a kiss?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"No, but mine might." My words arrested his leaning toward me. "But I'll protect you."
I could see the smile in his eyes since his face was too close for me to see his mouth. Then, he kissed me, nothing more than a brush of lips and light gust of his breath.
It made everything inside me still.
The anxiety, the doubt, the queasiness all disappeared for the briefest second. I was calm and I knew I was doing the right thing.
When he leaned back and released me, I almost collapsed against him, but managed to hold myself upright.
"I'll sign the prenup on one condition," he said.
My eyes narrowed as I studied him and the smirk on his face. He was definitely up to something. "And what is that?"
"You accept my wedding gifts without saying anything but thank you. No, 'I can't take this.' No, 'you shouldn't have.' Unless it's 'thank you, I love it' or 'thank you, it's gorgeous.' Or 'thank you, you're the most amazing man alive.' I don't want to hear it."
I laughed. "If that's what it takes, I'll suffer through holding back my complaints."
"Okay, then. Gifts first and if you follow through on your part of the bargain, I'll follow through on mine. Now, close your eyes."
I did as he said and tried not to laugh. We were still holding hands, so he turned them over, holding mine palm up, and placed a small box inside.
"Can I—"
"Nope," he said before he shushed me. "I'll tell you when it's time."
I sighed and kept my eyes closed. He released my hands and got to his feet. I heard a box open with a creak of small hinges and then snap shut.
"I was going to give these to you at the courthouse, but I think this worked out for the best. Hold still because I don't want to get this tangled up in your hair."
I sat very still as he draped something thin and cool around my neck. A necklace. He reached around my neck beneath the curtain of my hair and fastened it on one side before straightening it so that the pendant lay against my breastbone.
