"No, it's probably better if we talk about this out here." I took a deep breath as he gave my fingers a gentle squeeze. "Cam and Sierra can't put me on their insurance at the shop right now. They've invested a lot of money into the new location and they're already locked in, so there's no way they can swing it until after January or February."
J.J. nodded but didn't speak.
God, this was hard. I was just going to have to come right out and say it.
"My only other options are to find a job with benefits, probably somewhere closer to the Dallas area, and move away or..." I left the sentence sort of hanging. Nope, couldn't do it. I couldn't bring it up.
"You could marry me," J.J. completed for me.
I glanced up at him. "Or I could do that."
The corner of his mouth quirked in a semblance of a smile. "You make it sound like the worse option of the two."
I took a deep breath. "It's not that it's the worse option," I said. "It's just..."
"Not what you planned."
"No, it's not what I planned," I admitted.
And I think that was what made it so darn scary. Plan was one of my favorite words. Along with list. If I had a plan and a list of tasks to accomplish it, I could do just about anything.
At least that's what my anxiety said.
I was going to have to be honest here but I couldn't meet his eyes while I was. I focused on his collarbone. "I think what I dislike about it the most is that I feel like I'm, well,forcingyou to marry me because I'm pregnant. It's not the fifties anymore, single moms are a common occurrence, but it seems antiquated and—"
"Hey, take a breath, please. You're getting paler."
I looked up at him again. "I'm worried that we'll be stuck with each other and one or both of us is going to resent it in the long run."
"What if we keep it in name only? We live in the same house, we share a name and the basic bills, and that's it."
I frowned and he cocked his head. "What?"
God, this was going to be a painful conversation. A lot more painful than my first time, that was for sure. "But what about sex? I mean, I'm not saying you have to sleep with me, but you're probably going to have sex at some point and I don't want to be married to someone who's going to be sleeping with other people."
J.J. studied me and stepped just a bit closer. I tilted my head back so I could see his face. "I can tell you're being honest with me even though it makes you uncomfortable, so I'm going to do the same with you. Before Cam's wedding, I wasn't lying when I said it had been a long time. I've been working so hard for years that I barely have time to date, much less date someone long enough to have sex with them." He cleared his throat and a flush spread across his cheeks. "And, uh, after that night, I'm not really interested in anyone but you, so..."
I swallowed hard. "I'm not really interested in anyone but you either," I admitted.
"Then, how about we make a deal?"
Wariness filled me. This was usually the moment my brothers did or said something that eventually came back to bite me in the butt. "What kind of deal?" I asked.
"We won't have sex again until we're ready. But I do want to spend time with you. Whether we decide to stay married after the baby is born or not, I want us to have a good relationship for their sake."
My throat got tight at the idea of getting a divorce after I had the baby. "Uh, is that something you'd prefer? For us to divorce after the baby is born?"
J.J. shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't lived with you yet, so if you turn out to be a neat freak or you have weird morning rituals, I need an exit strategy."
I shook my head and laughed a little. "Great, put all the pressure on me."
"Hey, you said you were worried we'd be stuck with each other. I'm willing to try to make it work but the last thing I want to do is make you feel trapped."
That was almost too much. I blinked back tears.
"You have to stop being perfect," I demanded. "I'm hormonal and it either makes me want to kiss you or kick you in the kneecap."
"Uh, there's a big spectrum between those," he murmured.
