When Mom and I had talked, she encouraged me to tell J.J. as soon as possible, not just because he deserved to know, but because he was a good man and he would want to help me in whatever way possible.
What scared me was how his idea of help might differ from mine.
Too bad I didn't have much choice about how he found out.
I spentthe next week and a half trying to figure out how to tell J.J. that I was pregnant. He still texted me and even sent me a mini succulent to go with my collection on the screened-in back porch. Which made it even harder to keep my mouth shut.
Part of me wanted to wait until I finished the first trimester because there were no guarantees I wouldn't miscarry. I'd been doing enough reading online to know that a lot of women miscarried their first pregnancies. I wanted to go to the doctor for a preliminary exam, but I couldn't afford it, even if my OB was willing to see me. My online research had also told me most OB-GYN's preferred to wait until the last few weeks of the first trimester to see patients unless there was a problem. So, I was playing the waiting game.
I didn't want to freak J.J. out if it wasn't necessary.
It also seemed that my morning sickness was becoming random-times-of-the-day sickness. Yes, I still woke up nauseated, but it would often hit me again throughout the day and never at the same time.
I tried to hide it from Cam and Sierra, but it was impossible to hide the fact that you were bolting for the bathroom to yak at least once a shift, sometimes more.
God, I really hoped this faded after the first trimester because it sucked.
What sucked more was the day I nearly lost my cookies in the ice cream case. I'd carried a container of ice cream out from the freezer in the back and placed it inside.
As soon as I bent over with the ice cream, that horrible sick feeling rose in the back of my throat and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hold it off. I slammed the lid of the case down, the ice cream container still sitting on top of another, and dashed for the bathroom.
Thank God it was a slow afternoon and the restroom was empty because I didn't even have a chance to shut the door behind me before I was bending over the toilet.
I saw a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye, but I was a little too busy to tell them to give me a minute.
Once the horrible spell was over, I used some toilet paper to clean myself up a bit before I flushed the toilet.
Without looking at the two figures in the door, I went to the sink, rinsed my face and mouth, and then grabbed another tissue to blow my nose.
After I felt more like myself, I faced Cam and Sierra. They were both looking at me with wide-eyed expressions.
I heard the bell on the front door and J.J. call out, "Cam!"
Neither Cam nor Sierra heard him, they were both fixated on me.
Finally, Cam spoke. Really, it was more of a yell. "You're pregnant!"
I closed my eyes because J.J.'s face appeared behind them just as she spoke the words. And judging by his expression, he'd definitely heard them.
Great. Just great. This was a time I really wished I cussed because a few obscenities would truly express my dismay.
"That's why you were asking about insurance, isn't it?" Sierra asked.
I nodded, my eyes still closed. I didn't want to look at them and see disappointment or anger on their faces. I didn't want to see the expression on J.J.'s face either now that the news had time to settle into his brain.
"Well, we'll figure something out," Cam said. "We can put off opening the new store if we have to."
My eyes flew open. I forced myself not to look at J.J. even though I really wanted to. "No! You can't do that. It's important that you maximize your growth now. If you lose momentum—"
"Okay, okay," Cam said, lifting her hands as if she were surrendering. "Please calm down."
I took a deep breath and released it slowly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
"Look, we'll talk about it some more later. First of all, is there anything we can do to help you?" Cam asked.
My shoulders slumped a little. "Not really. I'm just trying to make it through the first trimester right now without throwing up on anyone."
They both smiled and I chanced a look at J.J. He was staring at me, but I couldn't figure out what on Earth he might be thinking. His expression was as closed as I'd ever seen it in all my years of knowing him.
