Now, she knew I wasn't.
"Wow, you had sex for the first time and got pregnant all in the same night?"
I nodded, feeling sick to my stomach again.
Mom shook her head and gestured to my cup. "Drink your tea. It'll settle your stomach."
My eyes shot to her face. How had she known?
"I was sick as a dog with D.J., Robert, and Scott. Clayton and you were my easiest pregnancies, which is strange because they usually say the easiest pregnancies make the most difficult babies."
I sipped my tea and waited. Finally, I asked, "Aren't you going to say anything?"
She crossed her arms on the table and leaned forward. "Do you want me to tell you what I'm really thinking or what you think I'm thinking?"
"Mom," I groaned, closing my eyes. "Just tell me what you're really thinking."
She grinned. "That I'm gonna be a grandma again! I haven't had a new baby in this house in two years and I've been getting the itch." She stopped and stared at me. "But I can see that you're confused. Are you thinking about giving up the baby or terminating the pregnancy?"
I gaped at her. This was not the reaction I was expecting. And the truth was, it had never even occurred to me to put the baby up for adoption or even consider an abortion. I knew those were choices open to me and I might have taken them if I were five years younger, but the truth was that I wanted a family. Two or three kids. Maybe more. So, when I realized I was pregnant, my first thoughts had been about how I was going to raise a baby on my own and how I would make it work, because deep down, that's what I really wanted.
"I hadn't considered it," I answered, my voice quiet. "It's unexpected but not unwelcome. You know I've always wanted kids. I just wanted to do it the right way."
Mom guffawed, smacking the table with her hand. "There is no right way, Lee. Having babies is hard. It's messy and expensive." She stopped laughing then but she was still smiling when she said, "But it's worth every single bit of the hard stuff because children really are a blessing."
"You're not...upset that I got pregnant out of wedlock?" I asked.
"Good Lord, out of wedlock? What is this, the nineteenth century? Why should I be upset, Lee? You're grown. You're twenty-five years old, you have two degrees, and you have a good head on your shoulders. A darn sight better than either of your brothers had when they had their first babies. You also have your own home, no mortgage, and two jobs. There is no reason you shouldn't be able to handle having a baby on your own. Do I hope that the father won't leave you hanging? Yes. He needs to help you because that baby will belong to both of you and he needs to be there for him or her. And for you because pregnancy can be difficult." She paused. "Have you told him yet?"
I shook my head. "I just took the first test about an hour before I got here."
Her eyes welled up. "And you came straight to me?"
I sniffed again. God, I hoped that I wasn't this emotional for the rest of my pregnancy. I wouldn't be able to make it through the day.
"Yeah, you always know what to do."
She reached out and took my hand. "Well, I think you do, too, so maybe you got it from me."
I laughed a little. "I expected a lecture," I admitted. "You were always so hard on me when I was growing up, so much harder than the boys. I figured you'd be incredibly disappointed."
It was my mother's turn to gape at me. "You really think I was harder on you than your brothers? Why?"
"You were always telling me to be polite, sit still, not talk back, get good grades. The list goes on and on," I said.
Mom laughed and shook her head. "I said all those things to your brothers, too. You were the only one who actually listened."
I took a moment to adjust to that concept. It was a bit like trying to look at a picture upside down.
"Lee—"
I lifted a hand. "Give me a second here. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that you and Dad weren't actually old-fashioned about gender roles but that my brothers ignored you and I didn't."
Mom laughed and smacked the table. "Where on earth would you get that idea? Old-fashioned about gender roles? Sexist, you mean? When have I ever been subservient to your father? Or expected you to wait on your dad and brothers hand and foot?"
She had a good point there. When the boys were growing up, she was the first to tell them they could make their own plate of food, fix their own snacks, wash their own drawers, and scrub their own bathroom.
Most of the time they ignored her about scrubbing the bathroom or roped me into doing it, but they did the rest. They did their laundry once a week, usually doubling up on their dirty clothes baskets so two boys could get their washing done in one load. They made their own food when they were hungry and it wasn't mealtimes. And they handled their own mail and bills.
