He leaned back in the booth and crossed his arms over his chest. "Did you know you're the only person in my life who calls me Jay? My friends and most of my family call me J.J. or Jackson."
I blinked at the abrupt change of subject. "Okay," I said slowly, unsure what this had to do with the conversation we had been having.
He chuckled. "You're wondering why I brought that up, aren't you?" he asked.
I nodded and picked up my tea for another sip.
"I brought it up because it means I know you're full of shit, Lee."
At his words, I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. I swallowed hard and it hurt my throat like heck, but I managed not to start coughing.
"Excuse me?" I asked, lifting my eyebrows.
"You heard me," he said.
I lifted a finger and pointed at him. "First of all, do not curse at me, Jackson James McClane. I know for a fact your mama taught you better than that and you've known me long enough to know how I feel about it."
His eyes twinkled with mischief and humor, but his mouth said, "You're right, I'm sorry."
I shook my finger at him, knowing he wasn't repentant in the least, and continued, "Second, I may like you. I may think you're attractive. But I have my own life, my own goals, and most importantly, my own mind. I told you why I don't want to date you, or anyone at all, right now and your only reply is to tell me I'm full of...of...poop? I don't think so. I'm allowed to tell you I'm not interested, Jay. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but it's the truth."
I exhaled hard and lowered my hand. Thank God, I hadn't raised my voice, but I was still embarrassed by my impassioned speech.
J.J. wasn't smiling now but neither did he look angry. He actually looked a little hurt by my words. "So, it's one and done, then?" he asked, a bit stiffly.
I sighed, suddenly sad now. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I hated that I had. I blinked rapidly because my eyes were suddenly damp.
Why was I so emotional all of a sudden?
I wrestled my tears into submission before I spoke again, J.J. watching me closely the entire time.
"If I weren't in school, I would definitely be interested," I admitted, my voice little more than a whisper. He leaned closer as I spoke. "But I'm not in a place where I can afford to be distracted. Literally. I've been saving since I graduated nearly three years ago, and I have just enough money for three semesters. I have to keep working fifty-hour weeks or more this year so I have enough money for the final two semesters before I'll be done."
"You're paying for your degree yourself?" he asked, clearly surprised.
I nodded. "I've paid for both my undergraduate degrees myself. Well, I had several scholarships for undergrad and I graduated in three years instead of four with the first, so I didn't need as much money then. But I'm paying one hundred percent of the tuition, books, and lab fees for grad school. Apparently, I work too much and make too much money to qualify for a lot of grants."
His expression shifted and, if I wasn't mistaken, it was full of respect.
"Damn, uh, wow, Lee. That's amazing. I had no idea. I guess I just figured your parents paid for it or you'd gotten loans."
I shook my head. "No, I didn't want to start my life with tens of thousands of dollars in student debt. I know that's what a lot of people do and they manage it quite well, but I knew I could do it with my undergraduate degrees and I wanted to do it with my MBA, too."
"At the risk of sounding patronizing, I think that's admirable," he said. "And I'm proud of you."
Coming from him, it didn't sound patronizing. It sounded sincere.
I smiled. "Thanks. I'm kinda proud of me, too."
Steph came over to the table then, bringing a tray with his tea and our food on it.
He opened his mouth, as if to tell her he wasn't going to be eating with me after all, but I nudged his ankle with my foot. He glanced at me and I shook my head.
"Thanks, Steph," I said to her. "Everything looks great."
"You're welcome, darlin'. Y'all enjoy your lunch."
She walked away to ring up a customer waiting at the cash register and J.J. turned to me.
