As I tried to catch my balance, I realized the shadow at the door was that motherfucking mutant raccoon. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find out it was a demon in the shape of an animal.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Cam asked, her tone worried.
I didn't bother with words. I merely lifted an arm and pointed toward the French doors.
The demon disguised as a rodent stood on its hind legs on the other side of the glass, his little metal bowl clutched in his paws. When he saw Cam looking at him, he bashed it against the door.
"Why is he hitting the window with that?" I whispered. "Is he going to break in and murder us?"
I ignored Cam's incredulous look because I was one hundred percent serious.
She shook her head. "No, he's hungry. I forgot to feed him this morning. Let me go get a scoop of food out of the pantry for him."
"What? You're feeding that mutant?" I gaped at her. It was official, my best friend was insane and collecting wild animals. Next thing I knew, she'd have tigers in the backyard like that Carole Baskins chick.
She waved me off with a laugh. "He'll run away as soon as I get to the door. He's really sweet most of the time. I think you just surprised him last night."
"Surprised? He hissed at me and I swear his eyes turned red. Then, after you went back to bed, I caught him staring at me through the back door like he was trying to figure out the best way to kill me."
I knew my eyes were huge because they pretty much felt like they were about to pop out of my skull.
At the sound of metal crashing into glass again, I winced. "If he doesn't stop that, he'll break the glass."
"Why don't you feed him? He'll probably be a lot friendlier toward you then."
Just when I thought she couldn't be any crazier, she went and said something like that. I shook my head violently over and over. "No way! Murder by raccoon isn't on my bucket list!"
"Oh, I can't wait to tell J.J. you're too afraid to feed Gary." Cam cackled like the little psycho witch she was.
Oh, hell no. J.J. would never let me forget this if she told him I was afraid of that raccoon. It wouldn't matter that it weighed as much as a medium-sized dog or that it might be rabid. He wouldn't let up. Not for years.
Sometimes I hated having a friend whose family treated me like one of their own.
"Fine, I'll do it," I relented. "But if I get rabies, I'm taking you down with me."
"What? Are you gonna bite me, too?" she asked, clearly not taking me seriously.
"You bet your ass."
She snorted behind me as I marched back into the kitchen toward the pantry. I immediately saw the plastic dog food container and opened it. There was a little cup right on top, so I scooped up a good bit of the dry food and carried it toward the back door.
As soon as I reappeared, the tapping stopped. I glanced down. Gary was gone.
Oh. Shit.
Moving slowly, I walked to the back door and unlocked it. I ignored the muffled sound of Cam's laughter. She could laugh all she wanted but I really,reallydidn't want to get scratched or bitten because stitches and rabies shots sucked.
I put my hand on the knob and looked from side-to-side, even taking a moment to crouch down and look up to make sure he wasn't leaning over the edge of the roof, waiting to attack from above.
I wasn't going out there until I knew where he was.
Then I saw one of the bushes that surrounded the patio move and caught a glimpse of little black paws and a jiggly belly covered in gray fur underneath it. The bush was about fifteen feet from the back door.
I should have enough time to dump the food into the bowl, which Gary had considerately left by the back door, and dart back into the house. Even if he wanted to bite me, he wouldn't have the time.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself. In one quick motion, I opened the door, leaned out, and dumped the food in the bowl. In less than three seconds, I was back inside and slammed the door shut.
It wasn't until I twisted the lock that Gary emerged from the bush and scurried up to the food bowl. He gave me one last glare and commenced with stuffing his face.
