23
Iwent to Ben's house, hoping that he would be there.
The tension in my body dissipated just a little when I got far enough down his driveway to see his truck parked inside the garage, the door still up. He was always forgetting to shut it, but I was glad for that bad habit this time because now I knew he was home.
I parked the car behind his truck so he couldn't leave without backing over it. Colette told me that Ben was a lot like me and my first instinct when I was hurt was to run away. The second was to get angry.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I had to face Ben's anger and he was entitled to feel that way. I hadn't handled our relationship well at all and even when I decided to stop running, I still screwed up. I couldn't fault him for how he felt.
But I could try to get him to understand before he withdrew from me completely.
My hands were damp as I got out of the car and walked around the house to the front door. Now that I was outside, I could hear the steady thump of bass coming from the house. Ben was listening to music and it was loud.
Though I doubted he would hear the doorbell, I rang it anyway. I waited. And waited. Then, I pounded on the door as hard as I could.
Still nothing.
Okay, so he couldn't hear me. I took a deep breath and tried the doorknob, but it was locked.
Shit. Maybe I should give him some time to cool off.
No, I needed to be honest with him. If he still needed time to think after, well, I would go back to Cam's and cry until I didn't have any tears left.
The garage was open. Maybe he'd forgotten to lock that door.
I walked back around the house and through the garage. This time, luck was with me and the door was unlocked.
I hesitated before I entered. I was invading his home, right? He didn't know I was here and I was coming inside without an invitation.
I almost backed out then, planning to go back to my car and call him later, but I couldn't. If I waited, he might never give me another chance.
I opened the door and walked inside, shutting and locking it behind me. It would suck to get interrupted if things went better than I hoped.
"Ben!" I called. The music continued thumping, the song winding down. As the final few beats sounded, I yelled as loud as I could, "BEN!"
I halted in the living room as the music suddenly cut off. Ben appeared in the hallway, wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts, sneakers, and sweat. I handled my feelings by eating junk food and it seemed that Ben handled his by sweating them out.
He stopped at the mouth of the hallway, the entire living room between us. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry about not calling you. Would you please let me explain what happened?"
He put his hands on his hips. "What's there to explain? You were too scared to face me. Too scared of your own feelings. I thought I could get through to you, but it's clear I was wrong."
I frowned at him. "That's not what happened at all. I left Dallas on Monday so I could come back and talk to you, but before I could do anything Cam called me crying—"
"I really don't want to hear your excuses, Sierra," he interrupted. "I don't want to have to keep chasing you. I don't want to play games. I—"
As he spoke, the anger built in me again, breaking down all my good intentions, and I exploded. "I'm not playing fucking games, Benjamin Murphy. I'm trying to tell you why I didn't call so that maybe you'll stop interrupting me so fucking much and we can talk about more important things!"
He stared at me, his jaw flexing as he clenched his teeth.
Before he opened his mouth to speak, I continued, "Cam asked me to help Brody. I'm sure you know that his ex was trying to use Jacks and Cam against him so she could get what she wanted, right?"
Ben nodded, his face rigid, but he didn't interrupt me again.
"Okay, so I'm not just good at writing programs for computers, I'm good at...other things that could help Cam and, by extension, Brody. She called me when I was on my way back Monday, crying, and she needed me. Now, I love you, but I love her too and she's more like a sister than my best friend, so I didn't think. I dropped everything to help her. I haven't seen her cry in years and she was sobbing on my shoulder. I'm sorry that it hurt you and I would handle it differently if I could go back, but I had to help my best friend. Then, we figured out what was going on and I had to help her in a different way. I've barely slept in the last three days because I wanted to do everything I could for her."
Ben's body locked, every muscle tight, as I spoke.
