I need to think. I need to find out about our baby without looking at him, knowing I brought that monster into my life by becoming friends with Nat in the first place. When Ty begged me to leave that job once he became an officer of the club…
She didn’t want to be raped, so she offered me up despite screwing him anyway.
Her teary eyes hit me, and anger surges in. She messaged him that I was in the store, which she did just because she was being selfish.
Tank moves out of the doorway, gaining my attention again, and I have to admit, he looks weird. With a clipboard, a polo shirt, slacks, and a doctor's coat, he doesn’t look like Tank. He looks extremely weird compared to his usual t-shirt, cut, and jeans.
“I demanded to work while you were here,” he admits as he walks towards me, his eyes going to Tyler before coming back to me. “It’s the first time in forty-eight hours he’s slept,” he admits, and I look at my husband, still sleeping restlessly.
“He’s been deviating between here and the neonatal unit,” Tank says softly and I look at him instantly, my mouth parting, and he smiles as he states, “You sweetheart are a proud mama of two boys now. Tyson is doing really well, considering, and is showing no signs of trauma.”
Oh, thank god.
My tears fall, and I nod as complete relief for my son fills me, and Tank grips my other hand with support as I choke, “He’s okay?”
“Yeah, Ash, he’s okay. He’s got a feeding tube in, only weighs three pounds fifteen ounces, and is on oxygen as a precaution, but he is okay, Ashley. The survival rate for preemies born at thirty weeks is high,” Tank whispers, squeezing my hand tightly, and my tears fall as pure relief envelopes me that I didn’t lose another baby because of my decisions, because of that man.
I should have quit that job as soon as Ty asked me instead of being stubborn.
So many goddamn what ifs fill me I feel like I’m choking.
I nod as I lay my head back for a moment before I ask, “When can I go see him?”
I look at Tank, who shakes his head, and my body trembles.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but as it stands, you can’t move. You’ve had to have emergency surgery. Your placenta erupted,” he whispers, and my chin wobbles.
Now, I may only be a vet and work with animals, but I’m not stupid. His face says it all, heartbreak for me, heartbreak for Tyler as his eyes keep flittering towards him, clear as day.
“I can’t have any more kids, can I?” I confirm with a heartbroken whisper, and Tank's eyes shine with unshed tears.
“There is a very low chance you will be able to get pregnant again, and if you did, you’ll be at high risk throughout the whole pregnancy,” he whispers, and I nod as I try to control the urge to sob, not wanting to wake Tyler.
I look at my husband and see his brows furrowed in his sleep, like he can feel my pain, and I try to take deep breaths as my body trembles.
“He’s been on prospect watch since you were brought in,” Tank chokes, “He had the itch to grab his gun again, he blames himself.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” I whisper, “None of it really was his fault, he didn’t know Virginia was going to lose her mind, that she had this obsession with him, he didn’t know that I was targeted.”
“He still blames himself for all of it, sweetheart, and he didn’t want to be here anymore,” he admits, and I bite down on my bottom lip hard.
I know he has an illness, that is what Dr. Chimes had said a few weeks ago when I ranted about Ty trying to leave his son, trying to kill himself. She said it was an illness he cannot control, mentioned he could have a depression disorder because of his guilt, but it hurts knowing he wanted to leave his beautiful sons yet again.
Tank squeezes my hand when I don’t say anything, my eyes staying on Ty, and he murmurs, “Get some rest, please.”
I nod, and he stands, kissing my forehead before leaving. I watch as he shuts the door behind him, with Albert just coming into view before the door closes and I close my eyes, tears falling.
My whole body aches, pain shatters my head, yet nothing can quiet the silent ache in my heart, knowing I may never have another child again.
I feel Ty move, and I look his way, my body still trembling. Ever so slowly, he lifts his head, his eyes on our hands first. I watch as he drops his head and lifts my hand, pressing it to his lips, and I swear my heart shatters some more.
He looks so broken.
Sighing, he leans up a little before his eyes come my way, and they instantly tear up.
“You’re awake,” he rasps, his voice full of sleep.
“What does he look like?” I ask instead of asking if he’s okay because I can see he really isn’t.
