I look up at him to find him giving my son CPR, and my body shakes, my tears falling as Doc curses, “Fuck, she’s had placental eruption….
“What does that mean?!” I snap and he states, “That we need to get her to the hospital now!” before he looks behind him and I notice Willie and Alan watching with terror, and he snaps, “Bring the fucking van to the entrance of the alley now, we’ll be quicker than an ambulance, hurry!”
They quickly scramble as Ace kneels beside me, gripping my shoulder and Stone kneels next to Tank, and my eyes go to my son, who still isn’t breathing, and all I can think – this is all my fucking fault.
I lean against my knees, my bloodied hands linked as I stare at the floor, ignoring everyone in the waiting room, waiting for news not just on my son but also my wife.
When we arrived at the hospital, Rose was waiting and took my son straight to the neonatal unit while Doc and Tank rushed off with Ashley, and my dad guided me to the waiting room, explaining that Mama would stay with the kids, ensuring Cole doesn’t suspect a thing.
I can hear Brittany sniffling, and I squeeze my eyes shut.
If she dies, I will follow her. There is no doubt about it. I couldn’t live knowing the pain I put her through, and it took everything in me to quiet the urges I had to kill myself. I can’t fucking live without her, I can’t.
I squeeze my eyes tighter as the blood etches my mind and my heart physically hurts.
“Trigger?” I hear and I slowly look up as Rose and Stone rush over to me.
She kneels while Stone sits down beside me, gripping my shoulder, and I choke, “Just give it to me, Rose.”
“He’s okay,” she whispers, “he weighs just over three pounds but is so very strong. Tank managed to get his heart started and no side effects of his birth is present, he’s okay, Trigger,” she grabs my hands not caring about the blood, “He has a feedingtube in and is on oxygen which is normal… Do you want to see him?”
I nod instantly, knowing Ashley will want one of us with him, and Rose smiles as she stands, then pulls me up, and Stone gets up with us, and we all walk towards the door, a lump forming in my throat with pain and worry.
“He does have a few wires attached to him, but don’t be alarmed,” Rose says softly as she passes me some wipes, and I nod numbly as we walk through a set of double doors, wiping away the blood.
She doesn’t normally work with preemie babies. She’s training to be a pediatric cardio nurse, but fuck if I’m not grateful that she stayed with my son.
My eyes go to an incubator as we enter a quiet room full of beeping and I suck in a breath as I walk over to it, the name ‘Baby Davis,’ stuck on the side and my tears fall as my knees give out right next to it.
“Brother,” Stone says, clogged up as his hand grips my shoulder, and ever so fucking carefully, I put my hand through the little hole in the side and gently touch his warm, small hand.
He’s so fucking tiny…
“What have I done?” I say completely full of emotions, and Stone’s grip tightens on my shoulder as I sob, knowing this is all my fucking fault and Ashley will never forgive me.
I slowly rub my thumb along my bottom lip, and an hour later, I'm fully aware that I haven’t heard from Doc yet or Tank about my wife, as I watch my son slowly move his head.
“Did Ashley ever give you a name?” my dad asks quietly, beeping echoing around us, and I swallow back the emotions wanting to take over, not really knowing how to navigate all this.
I know she’ll never forgive me, yet I’m too selfish to let her go.
“Tyson,” I whisper, and my dad chokes back a sob as he grips my shoulder with shocked support as the door to the roomopens, and I turn and lock eyes with my son’s, who are so much like my wife’s.
“Hey, bud,” I choke as Ice guides him inside and murmurs, “Your mama has gone to find some information on Ash.”
I nod and mutter, “Thanks, brother,” and he gives me a nod in return before his eyes go to my son.
He pulled me aside a few weeks ago and explained that he had encouraged Ash to come into the common room. He felt guilty because he should have gone inside with her, but he couldn’t have known that Hazel was going to forget her place.
“Dad…” Cole whispers, and I hold my hand out to him, and he walks over to me, his eyes on his baby brother.
This kid has been through so fucking much, and it’s all my fault. Everything is my fucking fault.
“I would like for you to meet your brother, son, Tyson Cole Davis,” I whisper as I pull him to stand in front of me.
“He’s so tiny,” he whispers, and I hum, and I rest my chin on his shoulder as the door opens again, and I see Doc walk in.
“He is,” I agree, “and he will need you to be the strong big brother I know you can be and help him get stronger. Can you do that?”
