“Cole, get on the back of my bike, now!” I demand firmly, without looking away from the car driving off into the distance, the urge to follow it building.
“Why?” Cole replies like he has been doing a lot lately, and according to Mama, not just with me but also Ash, which is not fucking acceptable. “You never wanted me!” he snaps, and I finally look away from the now empty distance and give my son a stern glare, making him flinch.
“I did want you, Cole, I was just scared, not for me but for your mama! You know the story of her parents!” I state firmly, and he looks away.
It was the one thing we refused to keep from him about our teenage years just in case the fuckers tried to contact him which they never have thankfully.
“I’m telling you now, if I find out you’ve been speaking like this to your mama, talking back, then I will burn your fucking artwork!” I threaten, my anger boiling.
He looks at me with wide eyes while Mama looks down, knowing not to get involved.
Ash may have decided to get a boyfriend to try and move on which she will never be able to do despite what she thinks. She may be refusing to explain what put her off me for a whole fucking year but where our son is concerned, she is an amazing mama and always puts him first and she doesn’t deserve his anger, his confusion, I do.
“Get your ass on the back of my bike now, I won’t tell you again!” I demand firmly, and he huffs but does as I ask as he slowly climbs out of Mama’s car and puts his backpack in my side saddle, then grabs his helmet out of Mama’s trunk.
“The reason why Ashley pulled him out of Wincher middle school is because Virginia went in and claimed to be a family member and told him all about your affair and about you not wanting him,” Mama quickly whispers as Cole makes his way to us, and I look at her sharply.
She flinches at my coldness, a look she’s used to getting over the years for how shitty she’d been treating my wife and admits, “Ash told me.”
“Cole,” I say, and he groans, “I’m just getting my helmet on, Dad.”
I swear, this kid's attitude lately is unbelievable.
“Did a woman come and see you at your old school?” I ask him as I look at him, and he flinches, his face paling.
Fuck no…
“She said Mama took you from her, that you were always hers which is why you chose her over Mama and me. She said you went to high school together and told everyone you never wanted me, that I ruined your life.” He whispers, “She was really nasty and when I called her a liar she dug her nails into my arm, scratching me,” Mama growls while I go stealthily still as he admits, “She told me I was going to go to boarding school when you make her your old lady.”
“She willneverbecome my old lady, that role is your mama’s, no one else’s and I promise you willneversee her again. Now, I need you to climb onto the back, son, please,” I say more softly, and he nods once as I look at Mama and demand, “Call Doc, explain everything, and tell him to get Dirty on finding the bitch!”
Mama nods as Cole climbs on behind me and wraps his arms tightly around my waist. I start my bike, my eyes going off to the distance again and with a deep sigh, knowing I can’t go after them with Cole. I know it won’t do us any good even though it is killing me, I position my bike the opposite way and slowly pull away from the parking space and head home where hopefully my son actually speaks to me instead of grunting and scowling.
Fuck, he is definitely my son.
A few hours later, after a tense and quiet dinner with my son who kept glaring at everything around him, always anger, gone the happy child, I lean against his doorframe. I watch as he stares at the picture of me, him and his mama in front of the large Christmas tree the townsfolk place at the town center on his nightstand from two years ago, a little light shining on it after climbing into bed. I swear my heart fucking tears at the sadness etched on him.
I wish I could take his pain away, that I could hide all the toxicity surrounding his mama and me. I wish I could help him forget that I never wanted him to be born.
I fucking wish I was kissing him good night, then meeting his mama in bed.
“Mama is still dating that guy, and it is all your fault,” he whispers, tears lacing his voice, but he doesn’t look at me as he allows his tears to fall.
“Cole,” I murmur with sadness, guilt, so much fucking guilt filling me.
He sobs, “She doesn’t look at him like she used to look at you, she doesn’t like him touching her, she tenses and flinches but you hurt her…”
Fuck.
I shove off the door frame and rush over to him. Kneeling before him, I cup his cheek, wiping his tears away with my thumb.
I fucking did this to him, pushed his mama away instead of confronting her, finding affection elsewhere while thinking of her.
What the fuck have I done?
“W-was she worth it?” he cries, “To lose your family, to lose Mama who loved you so much that she chose you and me over her own family? Was it all worth it?”
“No, son,” I choke, “None of it was worth it, and I promise, I swear to you, I will get your mama back, please understand that my boy, you both will come home to me if it is the last thing that I do.”
