Not if I don’t let it.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Iris
I scramble out of the house. No one tells me I have to be at work at seven, but that’s when the farm starts work, and it’s only fair that I’m around. Apart from the haulage lists, most days people start with questions about PTO and salaries before my ass hits my chair.
But today, I would have loved to have stayed with Jack up at his lodge and let everything else go to hell.
But I didn’t. Because everyone’s depending on me.
“Iris,” Bray calls, as I head into the barn. “Jimmy just called me to say he did something to his wrist. He’s going to see the doc.”
I don’t know why he’s telling me.
“Okay,” I say.
Wheels on the dirt road behind me catch my attention, and I turn to see Jack’s car driving toward us. What’s he doing here? I’m partly delighted to see him, but it feels like something’s off. When I left this morning, he didn’t mention he’d be coming down.
Bray and I wait as Jack pulls up and gets out of the car.
“Need an extra pair of hands?” Jack asks, shooting me a grin.
Bray shakes his head. “The things you do for love.”
It’s like he’s stolen the air from my lungs. Love?
I avoid Jack’s face. I don’t want to see his reaction. I don’t want to see him agree with Bray that he loves me, because I don’t know what that means for us. And I don’t want to see that he doesn’t love me. And I sure as hell don’t want to think about howI’mfeeling right now.
I just want to go into my office and hide.
“Have at it, boys,” I say, waving my hand in the air as I head into the office, like Bray didn’t just say that Jack was here offering his help because he loved me.
I busy myself all morning doing everything I can to stop the thoughts from coming. How did Jack and I get to a point where I don’t feel myself unless I see him? How did we get to a point where I miss him if I haven’t seen him for a few hours?
How did I get in this deep?
I try to push the thoughts away. I get up to date on my daily tasks, and I’m about to check the profit and loss account when my cell rings. It’s Karen from Oxburg. I really hope she’s not going to start disputing the invoice. It’s been outstanding for months now.
“Hey, Iris,” she says.
“Hey, Karen. How are you?” I brace myself for her to question the invoice I’ve sent, which I have double- and triple-checked because I didn’t want them to have any way of disputing it. The problem is, business is tough for everyone these days. If they’re having difficulty and they ask for an extension or a discount on the invoice, what am I supposed to say?
“All good here, I just wanted to tell you that I approved both your outstanding invoices for payment and they should have already appeared in your bank account. I wanted to thank you for your patience with the entire situation.”
“Oh,” I say, my chest expanding with relief. “That’s fine. I know sometimes things get stuck in the system.” I quickly log onto our bank accounts and start scrolling through the transactions.
“Yeah, we’ve had to swap over our software, so things have gotten into a bottleneck, but it should be better from now on.”
“Thank you. Yes, I can see them,” I say. “That was really nice of you to call.”
When I hang up, I have an urge to high-five someone. I feel like I scored a victory. Dad’s going to be so happy.
I get up from my desk and head out to find him. And maybe catch a glimpse of Jack, even though I know I shouldn’t and the feelings there are far too complicated.
I almost run into Bray as I exit the barn.
“Your boyfriend’s in the south fields.”
