“Because what then?” I plead. “We come from two very different worlds on different ends of the country. There’s no point in dragging this out.” It feels like a knife slicing into my gut and I’m the one gripping the handle. “I had a wonderful evening with you. But it was a fantasy. There was nothing about it that was real.”
As I say the words, I’m not sure they’re true. It was all real to me. The way I felt like he knew me when we’d barely spoken. The way that he made me feel. It all felt as real as anything could.
“It’s easier not to pretend that you and I can exist beyond that fantasy.” The knife sinks deep and twists. I glance down at the ground, trying to gather my strength. “Enjoy your breakfast, Jack.”
Before he can say anything that might change my mind, I slide into the truck and head out. I can’t look in my rearview mirror. I don’t want to see his face again. Seeing him again has made this all so much harder. Jack belongs in New York with my fantasies of what life could have been. It’s easy to carry on with life when you don’t know what the alternatives are. It’s easybeing single, when the perfect guy isn’t standing on the roadside wanting to be with you.
I have to protect myself. I’ve had enough disappointment and heartache in this lifetime. I just want to keep my head down and survive. I’m done with ups and downs. With disappointments and surprises. I’m done with hoping for more. I just want a straight road. A road back to Wilde’s Farm to get on with my life.
The only problem with a straight road is that it’s easy to glance back and see what you left behind.
TWELVE
Jack
I’m usually the guy with all the answers. But today, I don’t even know what the questions are.
Fisher wants to go to Grizzly’s, so that’s where we’re headed. I’d say it’s partly the wings and partly because he wants to see Juniper. I can’t blame him. Doing long distance must be tricky. I know they’re normally in Star Falls when Juniper’s eight-year-old daughter, Riley, is in school, but Fisher does have to come back to New York regularly. It’s been a few days since he saw Juniper. And he’s newly in love. It’s understandable.
Somehow, even though I got shot down in flames by Iris today at the diner, I’m sympathetic to Fisher’s request that we go into town. I’m rooting for Fisher and Juniper’s relationship. Since meeting Iris, I’m somehow less cynical about Fisher settling down. I’m less skeptical about Worth falling for Sophia the first time he laid eyes on her. I may only have had one evening with Iris, but she changed me.
After seeing Iris at the diner, I thought all my Christmases had come at once. I couldn’t believe my luck that instead of all these imagined Irises, I was standing in front of the real one.
What are the odds?
At least she explained why she didn’t leave her number. It still hurts, but I get it. I understand why she wants to keep her once-a-year-New York world separate from the rest of her life. It’s helped her survive.
But I still want her.
Maybe she doesn’t want me, but right now, I’m in Star Falls, and I’m not going to leave without trying to convince her that I’m the right guy for her.
What’s the worst that can happen? She already broke my heart.
Maybe that’s why I can’t just stay in my room tonight and lick my wounds. I know there’s a possibility that Iris might be in Grizzly’s. And I’ll do just about anything to see her again.
The cars park outside Grizzly’s and we step out. “Smell that fresh mountain air?” Fisher says, pulling in a breath.
“Smells a lot like stale beer and sweat to me,” Byron says. “The Colorado Club has a better scent, but even I can admit that the wings at Grizzly’s can’t be matched.”
We head inside and I scan the bar, trying to spot the golden hair I saw this morning at the diner. She looked different with her hair down. It’s longer than I imagined it would be. The ends go to her elbows. It’s kinda cute she doesn’t tie it back for work but does to go to the ballet. I must ask her about it. If she’ll talk to me. If she’ll even be here.
But somehow, I know she’ll be here at some point this evening, even if she’s not here now.
Yeah, she walked away without giving me her number. But I’m not so sure she’ll be able tokeepaway, knowing I’m here. Whatever it is we have between us is way too powerful. I don’t believe she’s willing to turn her back on me, even if she thinks it’s the right thing to do.
If she doesn’t show, then I’ll have my answer. I’ll be back to New York on the first flight out of here.
We grab a booth and slide into our seats.
“Is this the right place to be?” Byron asks. “Maybe we should have stayed at the Club.”
“And deny us of the wings?” asks Fisher. “I’m sorry, I consider myself a good friend, but not even Jack’s broken heart can override Grizzly’s wings.”
“It’s good to have boundaries,” I say. The fact is, I’m happy to be down in town. I need to know there’s hope for me and Iris. If she comes into Grizzly’s tonight, I’ll know that she wants me like I want her. I don’t know why, but I have faith that she’ll know that I’ll be here tonight. If she wants to avoid me, she’ll stay home.
“Tequila?” Bennett suggests. “I’ll get a bottle.”
Honestly, I’d prefer a really nice glass of red wine, a burgundy. Chateau Margaux perhaps. But even though my friends accept me for the snob I can be, I’m not going to feed them with fodder for their jokes.
