She’s gone. But I wasn’t projecting. She felt it too.
My eyes snag on the word…
Yours
Yours
Yours
I can’t see anything else.
“Is it from her?” Worth asks.
I can’t tear my gaze from the page, but I nod. “She got called away.”
“Did she leave a number?” he asks.
The question hits me like I’m the kettle drum and Worth’s the mallet. Even though I know she didn’t put her number on the note, I still scan the paper like I could have missed it. I shake my head.
“Really?” Worth asks.
I hand him the note. I don’t have the energy to tell him.
“It’s a really nice note. I wonder why she didn’t leave a number. Seems weird.”
And then I realize. Once a year, she lets herself have a fantasy about what her life might have been if her mother hadn’t died. It would have been too painful to prolong it. She wants to shut down and get on with real life back in Colorado.
“It’s not weird,” I say. “I understand why she didn’t leave her number.” I don’t like it, but I understand her. There’s a pain inside me I haven’t experienced before. It’s like I’m empty and I’m falling into nothingness. It’s a pain that breaks into hopelessness. Like I know that I won’t ever be happy now that Iris’s gone.
The waitress arrives with our food.
“Was the note for you?” she asks.
“Yes, thank you very much.” It wasn’t exactly the note I wanted, but she’ll get a very generous tip from me.
“Oh, I’m just pleased the note found its way to its rightful owner,” she says, putting my steak and eggs in front of me.
The last thing I want to do right now is eat. I want to disappear. If I can’t be with Iris, I want to be alone.
“I’m going to head out,” I say. “I don’t want to kill the vibe.”
“Stay,” Sophia says. “We’re your friends, Jack. If you’re feeling sad, we want to be able to be there for you.”
As much as I’m grateful, no one can help me feel better. I just want to get out of here and disappear.
“I need to think,” I say. “Be on my own for a bit.”
Sophia looks concerned, but Worth interrupts before she can say anything. “Maybe you should get out of New York. Have you thought about going to the Club? A change of scene might be good for you.”
I pull my mouth into a fake grin. “Good suggestion,” I lie. “I’ll think about it.” I want Worth to know I’m grateful for his concern, but being in Colorado would make things worse, not better. It would remind me that I’ve met the woman it feels like I’m meant to be with, who’s disappeared.
For the first time in my life, my heart cracks clean open—smashed into smithereens and I’m not sure what it’s going to take, if it’s even possible, for it to heal.
SEVEN
Iris
In most ways, it’s like I’ve never been away from Wilde’s Farm.
