“Where’d it go?”
“It’s gone.” I pouted at the sad fate of my bike. “I wrecked it during a manic episode a couple months before graduation. But yeah, I tried to run her over.”
“I’m guessing you got arrested again?”
“No, not that time. I went home and couldn’t stop thinking about what she said.I decided she was right and I should kill myself.”
“She got to you that bad?” Dennis asked.
“She did,” I said quietly.“She always did. Luckily, Ari and my uncle had flown to Newark to surprise me for Christmas break.Ari went to my room to scare me and found the note I’d left. Everyone panicked and they all searched until they found me on the train tracks near our house.”
“How’d they know to look there?”
“I’d talked about killing myself on train tracks before. Only to Ari, but she remembered and told them.”
“I’m glad she did,”he said.
“Meh.”I shrugged.“Anyway, they dragged me off kicking and screaming right before a train came. Long story short, they called a crisis team and I was sent to a psych ward for a while. I was diagnosed and started meds while I was there.”
It was quiet for a minute. I twirled my hair, wondering if this was finally the thing to scare him away, but he only seemed thoughtful.
“Do you remember that first breakdown you had around me?” he finally asked.“At the park. Right after the fratparty.”
“Oh,” I grimaced,“I know where you’re going with this.”
“So you lied about it on purpose,”Dennissaid it more than asked.“You weren’t institutionalized from trying to hit her. It was from trying to kill yourself.”
“Yeah. Sorry.” I looked down to avoid his gaze. “Can you see why I lied, though? It’s embarrassing.”
“I could tell something was missing, but I couldn’t hear what it was.”
“Probably ‘cause I bury it so I can forget about that whole year. I like to pretend most of it didn’t happen.”
“So she messed with you a lot…” Dennis was frowning.
I sighed. We came this far. I may as well get into it.“I was like a game to her. She learned my triggers and would use them against me. On a good day, I could ignore it. Sometimes it would end in a fight until someone broke it up. But usually I had actual breakdowns.”I bit my lip, trying not to feel the emotions that came with this topic.“She made most of the year hell for me, but at least I kicked her ass more times than I can count. I guess it was worth it to her.” I shrugged. I’d honestly never understood that part. “I got suspended a few times and almost expelled after areallybad one, but my aunttalked them out of it. I got mandatory therapy and anger management instead. Which was annoying but better than expulsion, I guess.”
“Your aunt sounds great at talking you out of trouble,” Dennis mused.
I laughed. “Can you tell she’s a defense lawyer?I got lucky with her job. Without her going to bat for me every single time I fucked up, I’d probably still be in prison.”
“Prison?” Dennis raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize you ever went there.”
“Yeah. That’s a story for a different day. I don’t mind telling it, but I feel like I’ve been talking your ear off all night.”
“I don’t mind,” he said.
“Well, I’m tired of it for the day.” I could only talk about my past for so long before it became a downer.
“No more stories of attempted castration?” He smirked as I giggled.
“Nope. I’m all done. Also, I only tried that once.Your dick’s safe with me. For now.” I grinned at his expression and lay back down.
“Good to know.” He did the same and I instinctively turned to face him. There was hardly space between us.
“Do you ever take these off?” I asked, touching the chains around his wrist.
“No.”
