“I’ll go in the hall,”he offered.“Just hand them through the door.”
“Thank you,”I said for the thousandth time. It felt like I couldn’t say it enough.
“You’re welcome. They’ll be fixed by morning.”Hetook my boots and left the room.
I stared at the door for almost a minute. I had no idea he could ever be this sweet. I undressed and handed everything through the cracked door, then shut it as he walked away.
I decided not to take advantage of his absence and got in the shower with no thoughts of using my razor. I had never cut before, or anything like it, but I did have a habit of burning myself when I was upset. I turned the water as hot as it could go and stayed in it long after I’d washed myself clean.
“Emy?”There was a knock on the door before it pushed open and someone walked in.
“Yeah?”I turned the water cooler. With how well Ari knew me, she would know from the unnatural amount of steam in the room. Either way, she didn’t comment.
“I brought your pajamas and bathroom stuff,”she said.
I peeked out as she placed themon the counter.“Thank you.”I shut the water off and stepped out, then glanced down and realized my skin was bright red from the too-hot water. I nonchalantly rubbed my arm, trying to disguise the evidence before she noticed.
“You don’t have to pretend everything’s okay. I can see how red your skin is.” She eyed my arms while I tried to cover them. “I thought you weren’t gonna do that anymore?”
“It wasn’t on purpose. I’m okay,” Isaid, wrapping in a towel as casually as possible.“I wanna get dressed. Please?”I gave her my best puppy dog eyes, but it didn’t fool her. We both knew it never mattered if she was in the room with or without clothes.
She started to say something, then stopped and nodded before walking out. I listened to the sound of her receding footsteps while I changed. I took my time doing my nightly routine, hoping she would be asleep by the time I came out. I was really trying to seem okay. I wanted to seem okay, to actuallybeokay, but I couldn’t shake off the self-loathing that was fogging my brain.
I sighedand tied my hair in a messy bun before looking for my phone. It was lying on the floor exactly where I’d left it. I picked it up and cleaned the blood off, then flipped to the camera, curious to see how I looked.
My eyes were red and swollen with black smudges around and beneath. My hair was decent, slowly waving since I wasn’t taking the time to straighten the curls. My neck was partially healed.Most of the damage was starting to fade.
I opened the bathroom door and emerged.Someone was sniffling in the living room. It sounded like the guys were each in their own rooms, preoccupied with something or other.
“Why aren’t you sleeping yet?”I asked, sitting beside Ari. She moved her legs to make room for me, but I ignored the extra space anddraped my legs right over hers. We could never be too close. And she made a comfy chair.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay,” she said.
“I promise I’m fine.”
“I know you’renot.”
“I’m not okay,”I said honestly,“butI will be.I dunno when, but I might be fine by tomorrow. The perks of being bipolar, right?”I smiled wryly, but it only made her frown and almost start crying.
“I’m the worst cousin ever. I knew I was going too far but I still kept going. Even Sean knew I was going too far and I didn’t listen.”
“It’s okay. We all have our moments, and you’ve never snapped on me before. I know it must be frustrating to deal with my episodes so often. And you’re the only one who’s been there for me every single time.”
“Dennis has, too. Ever since he met you. He’shelped through every one.”
I glanced at his door to see it was slightly ajar. I couldn’t help but think it was another invitation.“He has, huh?”I said, turning back to Ari. She was right.He’d been there for multiple breakdowns and he hadn’t complained once.
“Out of everyone to be bound with, I think you got pretty lucky.”
“I really did.”I smiled as I realized how right she was.“You did, too. Sean is adorable and super sweet.”
“Yeah, I guess.” She half smiled. “I mean it about Dennis, though.He’s creepy as shit and I’m pretty sure a legit serial killer, but he’s different with you. He’s been pretty great.”
“Yeah.” I twirled a lock of hair, my eyes straying back to his door. “Really, Ari. Thanks for always putting up with me.”
“You don’t have to thank me.”
“But I do,”I insisted, grabbing her arm to shake it for emphasis.“I really do. Even if we had any other cousins, you’d still be my favorite.”
