“Emy, you’regoing manic,”Ari said. “Or maybe mixed. I don’t know, but something’s off.I’ve been noticing signs for a couple days and it’s getting more extreme.”
“No, I’m not. I’m always like this.” I hate how she always does this. She tries to ruin my mood the second I get hyper and always has to blame it on the stupid disorder.
“So she is?”Dennis didn’t seem so confused once Ari nodded.“I thought so. She’s been acting different since yesterday. She was mostly normal earlier, but ever since she drank at the bar a little while ago she’s been… off. She came back acting like this.”
“I’m perfectly normal. It’s only been a little while since I drank. How would you even know?”
“What do we do when she gets like this?”he asked like I hadn’t spoken.
“Keep an extra eye on her,” Arisaid.“She’ll get impulsive and erratic. She might fixate on some random venture but not always. It’s different every time.It might be short, might be long. Might be mild and not cause too much damage, or it might be absolutely devastating. You never know. I just try to keep her safe and under control while it plays out.” Her tone was somber. So serious. Totally unnecessary.
“I’m right here, you know,” I kept bouncing my leg,“and I’m not acting different nor am I going ‘manic’ or on a fucking high. I don’t even use erratic in sentences, so why would I act erratic? That makes no sense.”
“You always do. Every single time. You try to do dangerous things or spend all your money or start some whimsical adventure and I always have to stop you.”
“You don’t need to stop me. It’s always fine. I don’t know why you get so worried and freak out. Nothing is dangerous.”
“Oh, yeah? So I guess it would’ve been perfectly safe for you to hitchhike with those three creepy ass guys who pulled over on the road to talk to us. I’msureif I let you go to their place and hang out you would’ve survived.”
“Yeah! They were nice. They were gonna take me cross country.”
“Did you really try to do that?And thought it was safe?”Sean asked. I nodded. “With three random dudes who pulled over to pick you up?”
“Yeah. Uh-huh. She thought it would be fine.”Ari shot me an annoyed look when I laughed.“I’m serious.Do I need to keep going?”
“Yes, because I don’t see your point.”
“Alright. What about the time you tried to run across a freeway to see if you’d get hit—”
“Well I didn’t, did I?”
“Because your foster brother dragged you away before you could hop the wall and start running!”
“I would’ve been fine.”
“You really think so?”Dennisasked.“With your nonexistent reflexes?”
“Yeah! My adrenaline would’ve kicked in to save me. That’s how it works, right? I wanted to try. I think it’s how you unlock superpowers.”
“See?” Arisighed and turned to him.“This is why you have to watch her. This is her logic during an episode. It’s not that bad yet, but it’s starting. She’ll get worse until she’s out of control.”
“You make me sound like a monster.” I started laughing at the image of a giant me frolicking across a freeway. “Anyway, your examples are dumb. They would’ve been fun adventures.”
“Okay, let’s keep going. What about that time you tried to drop out of high school and move to LA to become a superstar—”
“I would’ve been discovered overnight if Aunt Helen had just let me go—”
“No, you would’ve been homeless.”
“No. I would’ve found a home and moved in. It’s not that hard. I don’t get why you have to be so pessimistic.”
“Emery,hun, this isn’t a joke.”Aritook my hand and I smiled, which only made her more serious.“I’ve been suspecting for a couple days, but now I’m positive you’restarting an episode. We need to regulate your sleep and eating. Blood intake, I guess. And call your psychiatrist first thing tomorrow.”
“I’mfine. I promise I’m fine,”I repeated for the millionth time. “Will you leave me alone? I’m not being any different than usual. This isn’t an episode, it’s how I always am.”
“You’re not always like this and you say that every time you’re going manic or hypomanic,” she said. I only stared—I didn’t know what she was talking about.“Just promise you’ll be safe? And try to work with me on calling your doctor and everything?”She held out her pinky but I didn’t take it.
“You don’t understand. I’m always safe. I know what I’m doing.”
