They did several more rounds. Each time, the memory stayed but became more integrated, less raw. The context kept expanding, including military service, the cost of war, and impossible choices that everyone in her unit had to make.
Titan had been a working dog. She'd been a handler following protocol. She wasn’t negligent or reckless, just doing her job in a war where people and dogs died despite everyone's best efforts.
His death was tragic, but it wasn’t her failure.
By the end of the session, when Carla had her check her body, Maddox realized her chest wasn't tight anymore. Her shoulders felt lighter. She could take a full breath without the guilt crushing down.
"Go to your safe place," Carla said gently.
Maddox closed her eyes and found Zeus peacefully lounging in the backyard again. When she opened her eyes, she was back in the office, exhausted but slightly lighter.
“How are you feeling?” Carla asked.
"Like I've been carrying a hundred pounds for eight years and finally put it down." Maddox's voice was rough with hurt. "I still miss him, though. I still wish it had gone differently."
"That's grief," Carla said. "And grief is appropriate. It's the guilt that was crushing you."
"I can tell the difference now." Maddox wiped her eyes. "Grief says I lost him and it hurts. Guilt says I killed him and I'm a murderer."
"And which one is true?" Carla’s voice was soft.
"The grief." Maddox took a shaky breath. "I lost him, and it hurts like hell. But I didn't kill him."
Carla smiled warmly. “That’s good work, Maddox. Really good work.”
Maddox nodded, too wrung out to say much else.
"This is integration," Carla continued. "Your brain is still processing what happened today, so be gentle with yourself over the next few days. The understanding might deepen. Or you might feel tired and emotional. All normal. We'll likely need a few more sessions to work through other layers, but this was an excellent start."
"Okay."
"You did something incredibly brave today."
Maddox stood, her legs unsteady. She felt hollowed out and raw, but different. “Jade’s outside,” she managed.
"I know." Carla's expression was knowing. "Go on."
Maddox opened the door.
Jade was sitting in the waiting room, book in lap, but she looked up immediately when the door opened and stood without hesitation when she saw Maddox's face.
Maddox didn't have words, just crossed the room and let Jade catch her.
"I've got you," Jade murmured against her shoulder.
Maddox pressed her face into Jade's neck, breathing her in. They stood there for a long moment. Jade didn't ask questions or push for explanations, just held her.
Finally, Maddox pulled back enough to meet her eyes. "Can we go?"
"Of course." Jade's hand found hers. "Want me to drive?"
Maddox nodded, too exhausted to protest or insist she was fine. They walked to the car together and got in. Jade started the engine but didn’t pull out immediately. Instead, she reached over and squeezed Maddox’s hand where it rested on her thigh.
Jade’s eyes were bright. “I’m proud of you. That took courage.”
Maddox’s throat was tight. “Thank you for being here for me.”
“Always,” Jade said, the word settling between them, weighted with promise.
