Nico crushes me against his chest and buries his face in my hair. “I love you, Bello. You have made me the happiest man alive.”
I squeeze him back, for once giving my emotions free rein. “No, love. Not the happiest. But maybe the second happiest man alive.”
PART III
Chapter 23
Long Enough
The musky, sweet scent of decaying leaves and damp earth drift through the afternoon air, and I am completely content to lie on this soft blanket, on what is likely our last warm day of the year. It’s a special gift this late into autumn, and we’ve been enjoying it to its fullest. I stretch with a groan, laughing when Nico grumbles and tightens his arm around me, rubbing his scruff-covered cheek against my abdomen. “Do not move, Bello. I am comfortable here.”
I chuckle. “Comfortable to use me as your pillow?”
“Yes.”
I card my fingers through his dark curls. “There’s nowhere else I want either of us to be right now.” And I mean every word. Do we have things we should be doing? Yes. Do I want to do any of them right now? No. When I first came here to Oht after Cosimo’s death, I wasn’t sure how long Nico would put up with the constant danger and frequent absences that come with my profession. Buthe’s stayed, and shockingly, we’ve grown closer, our bond strengthening instead of weakening.
“Bello, are we still going to Panah City for Winterfest? My father asked again.” Nico’s voice is low and sleepy.
I close my eyes and smile. “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” It means staying with Stefano for the entire two-week festival, but it’s a small price to pay to see Nico happy. “You’ll just have to give me an extra special present to make it up to me.”
Nico stirs and places a soft kiss against my hip before resting his chin on my belly. “Is that so? Hmmmm. We will see about that.” I laugh and jerk away as he playfully pinches my side. I wait for the next attack, expecting to be tickled or something equally silly. There are times when Nico can be quite boyish, and it’s absolutely endearing. But the attack never comes. Instead, there’s a long pause, followed by a heavy sigh. “He is going to ask us about it again.”
I brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. “He always asks. And the answer is still the same. When it’s safe for you, we’ll get married.”
Nico’s silver eyes flash with annoyance, and I sigh. Our blissful day of relaxing and being together is at an end. “And when will that be, Zayd? You are an assassin, for Founder’s sake! It will never be safe enough for you.”
Fucking hells. He’s first-named me. “Love—”
“No. You know as well as I do that this is an excuse you will use to put it off indefinitely.” He thrusts to his feet, grabs his clothes from the ground, and aggressively yanks them on. “I have been training with you and the Protectorsfrom House Durov every day for the past four months.Every day, Zayd. There are Onyx Guild Protectors who are sent on assignment with less training, by less skilled instructors. I am perfectly able to defend myself should one or more people choose to attack me. And you know it.”
Fuck. Have I pushed him too far? I’ve never seen him this angry. He pulls a trembling hand through his hair, his jaw stubbornly set. How do I make him understand? “Love, nothing would make me happier than to marry you.” I want to tell him that I can’t forget the sight of Kas lying in a pool of his own blood, his once vibrant eyes lifelessly staring out at nothing. That I can’t lose him too. Instead, I give my usual response. “But my mission isn’t complete. The guild masters will be the most dangerous targets yet. They’ve been very careful and don’t give me many openings.” I stand and take a step toward him, but he backs up, hands held out to keep me away.
“Stop. No touching. You will touch me, and I will let you get close. Then you will kiss me and distract me with your lips and hands, and in the moment I will forget why I am angry. I have allowed you to do that too many times.” My heart sinks as he squares his shoulders and draws a deep breath. “I have never asked you to give up the Shabah. I never will. I accept it as part of who you are. I knew who you were and what you did from the start.” He swallows a few times, trying to control his emotions, and it’s like a knife to the heart. “I also know that every time you leave the villa, there is a strong chance that I will never see you alive again. And yet I watch you go, and I do not make ascene or ask you to stop. I have diligently learned to defend myself, knowing that danger will always follow both of us if we are together.” The second knife slams into my heart when he saysifwe are together and notwhen. “You need to decide what it is that you truly want. I am willing to take on the risks of a life with you as my husband. Are you willing to do the same? Are you willing to share the same burden of daily fear that I have taken on without question?” Am I? I open my mouth to say something, but he shakes his head, fists clenched uselessly at his sides. His voice is tight with suppressed anguish. “Do not answer now. I want you to truly consider. You have four weeks to decide what you can live with and what you cannot. By the end of the Winterfest festival, you need to make a decision. Until then, I will be at my father’s house.”
I stand there, unmoving, as Nico turns and walks to the villa. I’m reeling like someone has punched me in the gut. I want to run after him and tell him anything to make him happy. I truly do want to marry him. But no matter how much we want things to be different, the danger is real. As of now, only a select few people know I’m alive and in Amagi. We’ve kept my presence at the villa limited to Emilio, Anna, and Stefano. As far as everyone else is concerned, Nico is taking time away from the capital to enjoy the slower pace of country life. And regardless of what we may prefer, Stefano will surely want at least a small gathering of people to mark his only child’s nuptials. That means more people knowing my name and face. If that spreads to the guild, and there’s no way it wouldn’t, I’m not sure I can keep Nico safe.
I pull on my clothes and pick up the blanket, throwing it over my shoulder, then follow Nico home. The afternoon breeze gusts across the blanket, carrying the smell of grass and sex and the warm spicy scent of Nico. It’s bittersweet, reminding me of everything I have and everything I could lose. My enemies wouldn’t hesitate to send their best assassins, and I’m not willing to risk Nico.
When I enter the house, Emilio greets me at the door, taking the blanket. If he’s aware of the argument, he gives no sign. As I head for the stairs, the mirror in my pocket warms and I consider ignoring it, knowing Nico is probably already packing. But this might be important. I activate the mirror and see Kenji staring at me, their expression grim. I hold up a finger, asking them to wait before speaking. Turning from the stairs, I walk to the study, closing the door before castingSilenceso no one outside the room can hear the conversation. “Hello, my friend. Based on your expression, I’m going to assume this isn’t a social call. Let’s pretend we’ve covered the pleasantries so you can get to the important information.”
Kenji nods. “Thank you. I need your particular skills on a delicate matter. I do not trust anyone else to handle this. Most especially anyone from my organization. I must appear neutral and uninvolved.”
As friends, this is something we do for each other, and it’s been highly beneficial for both of us. “Of course. What do you need? And where?”
“The where is Panah City. The pertinent details are that a counter-operative has been identified within my organization, and they need to be handled.”
I sit at the desk and relax into the soft leather armchair. “I assume they’re on their way, or are already there?”
Their expression darkens. “They will be arriving within the next week, posing as a member of the Segnature Coven.”
That bit of information is unsettling. I have no issues handling things within the Segnatore, but this will be the second time the coven has been involved in shady dealings. Something is going on there. “Consider it handled.”
Their image fades, and I put the mirror in my pocket. Rubbing my eyes, I push to my feet and leave the study, wearily climbing the stairs to the room Nico and I share. This day is not ending as I’d hoped. I open the bedroom door, unsure what’s waiting for me on the other side, but everything appears the same as we’d left it this morning. Except there’s no sign of Nico. I close the door and walk to the balcony. He’s leaning against the railing, arms crossed, jaw clenched, staring at the deep greens and blues of the Hamun Sea. “I’m glad you’re still here, love.” He nods but doesn’t look my way, and my stomach tightens. “I don’t like when we fight. Especially when we’ll be apart.”
He clenches his jaw several times before responding. “Yes, I know. I also know we never part angry because there is always the very real danger that one of us will not be returning.” He finally looks at me, and the hurt in his eyes cuts deeper than any dagger ever could.
Defeated, I sigh. “And that someone is me.” I cross the balcony to lean against the railing near him. I desperately want to take him in my arms, to touch him, but force myself to remain still, knowing I’d be rebuffed. “Love,there’s a job in Panah City that could be the opportunity we’ve been waiting for.” When Nico gives me no reaction, I quickly continue. “I’ve asked a lot of you. Istillask a lot. You’re tired of waiting. And I promise you, so am I. But please, love, wait just a little longer? Let me finally complete the oath that I made to Kas.”
