“I am enjoying this.” And I am. But decades of training aren’t undone in a few months. I might want to shut off my brain, but I can’t.
He growls and nips at my shoulder. “I will make your thoughts go quiet. Tell me. Do you want me?”
“Is this a trick question?” Nico lightly strokes my cock with two fingers, making my balls ache in an incredibly pleasurable but ultimately unsatisfying way. That’s his intent, so I try to remain still and appear unaffected as he continues to tease. He tortures me with just enough pressure to make me want more but not enough to gratify. He has a natural gift for torture, and I can appreciate that.
He positions himself between my thighs, my body thrumming with pleasure as his wet tongue teases from behind my balls to the tip of my cock. My hips jerk, but I hold on tightly to my control. I’ve been trained specificallyto never lose myself to pleasure or pain. It’s the Shabah way.
But is that what I want to hold onto? What would it be like to lose myself in Nico’s embrace? To trust him to watch over me and keep me safe? I weave my fingers into his curls and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Iamsafe here. Nico is safe. And I want so much more than I’ve been told I can have. “That is it, Bello. Let me have you.” Nico lowers his mouth over my cock, sucking lightly, and I hum my approval as his lips and tongue caress the sensitive skin. I focus on him, on his mouth and hands, concentrating on the increasing tension in my body. My hips rock up, and my cock hits the back of his throat, but he swallows me down easily. I almost come from that alone. With a moan, he releases me, pushing my legs against my chest.
I close my eyes as his tongue lightly flicks across my hole. My body strains with anticipation as he tastes me again. Several undignified noises escape me as I try to press closer to his mouth. But he won’t be deterred and continues his exquisite assault. “Nico. Please.”
He raises his head. “Please what?”
I growl in frustration. “Fucking hells! Nico, please, I want you.”
It’s as close as I’m willing to get to begging, and he seems to understand. “Of course, my Bello. Anything for you.” He produces a small bottle of oil from the table beside the bed, pouring some over his cock, firmly stroking himself.
I’m in no mood to wait. “Now, Nico. Please.”
He grins, and I consider pinning him down and taking what I want. “So impatient.” He positions himselfbetween my legs, teasing the tip of his cock against my hole. “Are you ready?” I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him deep until our hips are flush. His gaze locks on mine. “Void take me!”
“Move. Now. Give me everything.” This time he complies. Setting a fast pace, his hips snap forward and pull back with whiplike speed. I pull him deep with each thrust, reaching between us to stroke myself. I stare into his eyes, never looking away even as my vision blurs and my body coils tighter. This is perfection.Heis perfection. He’s everything, and I am never giving him up. “Nico.”
“I am here. Right here, Bello.” I stare into his eyes, seeing every scary thing I’m feeling mirrored back at me. With a body-shaking roar, I come.
Through a sex-induced haze, Nico groans, and his hips stutter, slamming into my body as his orgasm hits. He all but collapses on top of me, and I don’t care that I’m being crushed or there’s a huge puddle of cum pooling between us. I’m barely able to move or speak, wrung out and gasping for air. The best I can do is nuzzle against his cheek, mouthing soft kisses against his skin. I’m completely sated, my mind is oddly quiet, and my chest is full of terrifying emotions.
Nico takes a deep breath and rolls onto his side, pulling me with him. “Zayd?”
The use of my name and the tone in his voice pulls me out of my orgasmic stupor. “What is it?”
“I love you.”
For a moment, I can’t breathe. But I also can’t look away. He’s so earnest, so sure, that it frightens me. But whatscares me even more is how much I want to believe him. I want to believe that he loves me, even knowing who I am and what I’ve done. What I still do. I’m not sure what I feel for him is love. But would I know what that feels like? This is certainly something deeper than I’ve felt for anyone else. Even Kas. Not that I discount what we were to each other. But it was different. Circumstances were different.Iwas different.
I can’t define whatever this is. Not yet. And maybe I won’t ever be able to. But it’s real and more than I ever expected. The longer I stare into Nico’s eyes, the more settled I become. I don’t have to label it. I don’t have to say it. I can just feel it and let it be.
My body relaxes, and I caress Nico’s warm skin, choosing my words carefully. “An assassin has to forget about sentiment. It’s dangerous to feel. You take pleasures where you can, when life is good. To expect anything more would be reckless.”
“Bello, I…”
Nico tries to push up onto his elbow, but I hold him still. “I believed that’s how it would be between us. We were something to enjoy, a pleasant diversion. But that’s not how it is at all. With you, I can’t do that. I—” My brain whirls off in so many directions, and as the silence lingers, Nico’s arms tighten around me.
“Zayd, what are you trying to say?”
I blow out a breath and meet his gaze. “I care about you. And that scares me. For every reason we’re supposed to avoid entanglements. The rules make sense. They keep us safe. But I can’t live by those rules anymore.” I swallow andlift my hand to stroke along his cheek. “I don’t want to live by those rules anymore.”
Nico’s smile, as bright as a thousand suns, is only for me. “You love me too.”
We stare at each other, not saying a word. He scans my face, maybe for some sign of what I’m feeling. “I don’t know. How do you know?” It’s an incredibly vulnerable feeling, pinned by Nico’s gaze. “But I’ve never met anyone like you. No one has ever cared about me the way that you do.” Kas cared in his way, but we were raised with strict rules. I fidget under Nico’s intense stare. He leans in, kissing me tenderly and deeply. A wave of relief surges through my chest as I realize I haven’t made a mess of things. “We’ll have to be very careful. I won’t lose you too.”
He tightens his arms around me. “We will be careful. I promise, Bello.”
My stomach growls, and I stifle a yawn. “Food is in order and maybe a nap.”
He laughs and squeezes me tightly. “I love that idea. Let me go find Emilio.”
He rolls out of bed, and I stretch languidly before getting up as well, ignoring clothing in favor of walking out onto the balcony, where the sun warms my skin. I lean against the railing and gaze out over the garden, contemplating my return to Panah City and my unfinished business there. Certain individuals responsible for Kas’s death still need my special attention. Perhaps I’ll start with the lowest ranks and move to the highest, which will save Lorenzo for last. He’s the most difficult to pin down and the most protected. And I want to find out more aboutthe death of Nico’s mother first. I’m certain Lorenzo is involved.
