It’s said lightheartedly, but the words seem to upset him. He rolls over and grabs me by the shoulders, eyes hard, mouth set in a firm line. “You owe me nothing.”
I freeze. That’s not at all the reaction I’m expecting. “Have I done something wrong?” I think about each time on the balcony when he refused to allow me to put my hands or mouth on him. “Why won’t you let me touch you?”
He sits up, clearly frustrated. “I did not mean for you to—you are not obligated—what I mean is, that is not something I expect you to—Fucking hells, Bello!” I’d laugh if I weren’t so confused. I’m not even sure he realizes he’s adopted the Earth swear. Nico gets up and paces at the foot of the bed, looking anywhere but at me. He thrusts his finger at the balcony, and I instinctively glance in that direction, on full alert. “What happened out there? I did that because I wanted to. That was not a transaction.” I snap my eyes to Nico’s. “That was me wanting to give you something, without expectation of anything in return.” I blink at him, utterly confused as to where this rage is coming from. He finally looks directly at me. “I wanted to show you that I care for you.” He drags his fingers through his hair and drops onto the edge of the bed with a bounce, his back toward me.
I’m floundering. Though his words are clear, I still can’t comprehend what he means, and I’m not sure what to do next. It’s an all-too-familiar situation for me lately. We sitin silence while I desperately try to make sense of Nico’s words in the context of the world I know. No one, not even Kas, ever said anything like that to me. No one has ever given me something, asking nothing in return, and meant it. Kas, who said he loved me, had used sex to burn off my excess energy so I could focus on missions, or as a reward for a job well done. It’s what we were taught. It’s how we were raised. Everyone uses everyone to get something. That’s how it works. Or it’s how I thought it worked. But Nico is truly upset, and his reaction was so visceral that ithadto be real. How am I supposed to respond?
He sighs and turns around. “I am sorry, Bello. I did not mean to lose my temper. Are you alright?” He crawls across the bed and kneels in front of me, gently stroking my cheek with his hand, letting his palm rest against the curve of my jaw. “Truly. I am not angry.”
I place my hand over his larger one and look into his steel-gray eyes, so soft with concern.
When I don’t say anything, he lies down on the bed and draws me against his chest, stroking my back with his fingertips. It’s soothing and gives me a moment to collect myself so I can shove the unnerving moment away. “Bello—“ I try to look at him, but I’m being held too tightly against his chest. He tucks my head beneath his chin and weaves his legs together with mine, practically immobilizing me. “Stay with me tonight?”
I freeze, not sure what to do. Lovers have asked me to stay before. Every time, I gently turned them down and left. Sometimes there was sobbing and pleading, but it never changed my mind. Falling asleep with a stranger istoo dangerous. Kas and I slept together, but rarely. Never when we were on assignment because one of us would stay up and keep watch. And when we were at the compound, we had our own beds. It was all part of our life.
My breathing picks up, trying to outrun my heartbeat. Why, this time, do I want to say yes? Why does Nico make me want to stay? I’m falling headfirst into the middle of a swirling tide of emotions I don’t know how to handle—emotions I don’t even want to name. Unsure of what to say, I retreat to what’s safe. “While that would be lovely, it’s dangerous for me to travel during the day. Leaving tomorrow morning wouldn’t be a good idea.”
Nico continues to caress my back for a quiet minute. “Well, if you leave tonight, you will be stuck by yourself tomorrow, no matter where that is. But if you stay here, you can spend tonight and all of tomorrow with me, right here.” He pats the bed invitingly. I’m not sure what to say. “I will have food sent up from the kitchen. I have a private bath, and we do not really need anything else, so no one will disturb us.”
It’s completely reasonable. He’s eliminating all of my excuses and giving me every reason to say yes. “Don’t you have things to accomplish tomorrow? A business to run?” I know perfectly well that he does. I’ve learned as much as possible about Nico Medina while waiting for Cosimo to return. He has a house and vineyard in Oht and the Medinas own a winery just outside of Panah City. They’re a well-respected family, with strong business connections and a reputation for being excellent negotiators but also fair business partners.
“I do, but I can postpone my meetings. None are critical.” He strokes my cheek. “None are as important as you staying.”
Once again, I’m at a loss. I’m important? I’d like to be important to Nico, but that’s not any reality I’ll ever have. The idea is overwhelming, so I deflect. “If I stay, what would we be doing? You don’t seem to want me to touch you, so—”
He chuckles. “I did not say you could not touch me. As a matter of fact, I am hoping there will be a lot of touching. But honestly, tonight I would be happy holding you and feeling you pressed against me. In the morning, you may have your way with me.”
His tone is humorous, and it eases some of my tension. “Just tomorrow morning? You underestimate me.”
He tightens his embrace. “Trust me, Bello. I would never underestimate you, especially in the bedroom.”
I lay there quietly, considering the possibilities. I could wake up tomorrow, alone and lonely in my room, battle with possible nightmares, and wait for Founder knows how long until Cosimo finally returns from Hap. Or I can stay here with Nico, in this incredible house, in his incredible bed. Naked. With him. Is there really even a choice?
“So you’re offering your room, your bed, and yourself without interruption?”
Nico squeezes me tightly. “Yes. I will keep everyone away, and it will be just you and me.”
I relax into him, curling myself against his chest. “Well, how can I refuse?”
Chapter 13
In the Clear Light of Day
I open my eyes and stare at an unfamiliar ceiling, immediately on alert as I struggle to recall where I am. Sunlight floods the room, and there’s a gentle breeze wafting through the space, carrying the piercingkeowof gulls and the fresh, slightly sweet scent of lily of the valley. Memories of last night on the balcony come rushing back, and I relax even as my body stirs. Nico’s heavy arm draped across my torso tightens, pulling me firmly against his side, and I relax into his embrace. He stretches and yawns loudly before coiling himself loosely around me again. I exhale, utterly content as he buries his face in my neck and nuzzles the sensitive spot behind my ear. “Good morning, Bello.”
“Good morning. How’d you sleep?”
Nico brushes soft kisses across my shoulders, sending delicious tendrils of desire down my spine. “Incredibly well. You?”
I hum contentedly. “Well.” Too well, if I woke up unaware of my location.
“Do not panic.”
I keep my body relaxed and my breathing regulated, but I’m once again on alert. “You do realize that saying don’t panic tends to make people panic. Right?”
He laughs and kisses my nape. “I apologize. I only want to tell you that I expect Emilio momentarily. He comes in every morning to help me dress and plan the day. I will tell him I am staying home today, have him bring breakfast, and say we are not to be disturbed at all.”
I glance at him over my shoulder. “We? You’ll tell him I’m here?”
