Josh turned, his leg propped on the couch under the blanket so he could look squarely at Riley.
“About us? I don’t ever want to lose you, Riley.”
“I don’t want to lose you either.”
Riley let his head fall back against the couch, but angled it toward Josh.
“But what if we could have… more… than what we have now?”
Josh furrowed his brows. “More what?”
“What if there was more between us than friendship?”Riley asked slowly, the way he talked when he was choosing his words carefully.
“What could be more than friendship?” Josh had a feeling he knew what Riley meant, but he didn’t want to assume anything and get it wrong. He always thought nothing was stronger than their relationship.
“Josh,” Riley started, reaching over and placing his hand over Josh’s, giving it a soft squeeze. “What would you think if I told you I have feelings for you?”
Feelings. For Josh.Holy shit.
“Wh-what kind of feelings?”
He sighed. “Romantic? Sexual? Maybe even… love?”
Riley was definitely talking about what Josh thought he was talking about.
It wasn’t the first time in his life he had no idea what to say or do, but it may have been one of the most important times. And he was bound to mess it up.
“No.”
“No?” Riley asked hesitantly.
“No, we can’t have those things, Ri. You can’t feel those things for me.” Josh was starting to panic.
“Why the hell can’t I?”
“Because why would you want to?” Josh demanded, causing Riley to sputter.
“Are you kidding? Every part of our lives is already intertwined. You’re already everything to me. The reasonit’s never worked out with any woman I’ve ever been with is because every single time I would have rather been at home hanging out with you.”
“So?” Josh asked, pulling his hand away from Riley. “That’s totally normal. I’d rather be with you too, but it’s because we haven’t found the right women.”
“No, most guys would rather get laid than hang out with their bro. Being with you is so much more than that, though,” Riley said.
“No, no, no, it can’t be,” Josh said, throwing the blanket aside and shooting off the couch to begin pacing the room. “I can’t be that for you, Ri. I just… can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not good enough for you!” Josh shouted, stunning Riley into silence. “You are perfect, Ri. Everything about you is damn perfect. And I’m not good enough for you. You should be with someone who worships you and deserves you, someone as perfect as you are. And I’m not perfect. Not even close.”
Riley stood and stomped over to Josh until they stood toe to toe.
“Youareperfect, Josh. You’re perfect for me. It’s always been us, but we were too blind to see it.”
This was going terribly. How could Josh make him understand? There was no way without spilling his dirty secret, something he promised himself he’d never do.
The consequence for revealing the truth would behurting Riley, and that was something else he promised himself he’d never do.
“Are you telling me you didn’t feel anything between us when we kissed?" Riley asked. "When I gave you what you called the ‘best orgasm of your life?’ Thatmeanssomething. People search their entire lives to find something like what we’ve had for years.”
