“Bàba, I want sprinkles on my ice cream,” I shouted over the music.
“Rainbow or chocolate?” he asked from the driver’s seat.
“Rainbow, please!”
“Now in Chinese,bao bao,”Mamainstructed.
“Uh…qing!” I shouted when I remembered the word for please. MyMamaandBàbawanted me to know both English and Chinese, even though I spoke only English with all of my friends, like Riley across the street. I wondered if he would want rainbow or chocolate sprinkles.
“Good job, Josh,”Bàbasaid as he turned onto another street. We were almost there. I couldn’t wait toget my hands on some ice cream. Well, maybe not my hands. That would be too cold and messy. I would use a spoon. That would keepMamaandBàbain a good mood so they didn't have to clean my up mess.
“Bao bao, what do you want to be when you grow up?”Mamaasked.
I thought hard for a moment and decided there was really only one thing I liked doing more than anything else in the world.
“I want to make people happy!”
MamaandBàbagiggled.
“That’s a great idea. You’re so good at that already,guai guai,”Bàbasaid.
I smiled wide, thinking about all the people I’d make happy one day.
MamaandBàbastarted talking in Chinese super fast, and I didn’t understand some of the words they were saying. Something about medicine and testing. Hopefully, no one was sick.MamaandBàbawere scientists and spent all day making the world healthier for people. They made lots of people happy, too.
We were crossing another street when I heard a loud squealing noise andBàbashouting. Then I heard nothing at all…
Josh shouted as he shot upright in bed, his whole body shaking, somehow sweatingand freezing at the same time.
A strong hand landed on his shoulder, startling him, until he realized it was Riley.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “It was just a nightmare. I’m here.”
Josh turned and wrapped his arms around Riley, sobbing into his shoulder as they lay down together, Riley rubbing his back in soothing strokes.
“I’m here, I’m here,” he said. “We’re safe. You’re safe. I’ve got you, baby.”
Josh took a shaky deep breath and tried to let it out, but couldn’t.
How could he be so stupid and forget his weighted blanket for this trip? It was one of the few things that made him feel safe. The memory of the day he lost his parents lived in his head rent-free, and he was pissed he couldn’t overcharge it so it would finally move the fuck out.
On that fateful day, the other car ignored them, speeding through the intersection while they were waiting to make a left turn and running into them in a head-on collision. It was like they ran right into a wall. Josh’s carseat did its job, but the straps knocked the wind out of him, and everything went dark.
When he came to, he remembered seeing a man running away to get help. He called forMamaandBàba, but they were motionless. He remembered seeingBàba'sblood all over the steering wheel,Mama’shand hanging lifelessly across the center console, the sound of sirens getting closer.
Why did I beg for ice cream that day? If we had gone straight home,MamaandBàbawould still be here. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault…
“I got you, just breathe,” Riley said as he rolled them so he lay on top of Josh.
This wasn’t the first time he’d woken from a nightmare next to Riley, and his best friend immediately began to calm him.
Riley started murmuring the lyrics toAll the Small Thingsby Blink-182. It was the same song they had been listening to in the car when his world imploded, and for some reason it was the one song that settled his heart when he woke from one of his nightmares.
When Ri got to the “na-na-na” part of the song, his body began to relax. That, combined with the weight on top of him, finally let him release his shuddered breath.
His arms were wrapped around Riley, clutching his back.
“Don’t leave me, Ri,” he begged. “Don’t ever leave me.”
