“Raise your shot glasses, ladies!” Hailey shouted and, around her, arms raised their own shots. “Bridge, you’re getting married to the best guy ever and I love you so much and you’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen in my life and I hope you’re happy for the rest of your life and you’re the best ever! To Bridget!”
Run-on sentences were one of the side effects of drinking Hailey displayed. Could be worse.
Around the mini table where they were sitting, everyone whooped before downing their shots. They were all sweating from dancing so hard so they were taking a long drink break. By the time Hailey got to thebottom of her Dirty Shirley, she was way more than buzzed.
She slurped the last of her drink through her penis straw and then shouted, “This penis is so much better to me than Gage’s!”
“Oh geez, is he that bad?” Emily, a cute redhead with freckles and legs for days, balked. She was Bridget’s college roommate in from North Jersey for the occasion.
“He’s not bad, he just doesn’t make me feel good anymore. Sex used to be so good in the beginning but now I can’t even stay wet for him. What does that tell you?”
Filters no longer existed. That was another side effect.
“It tells me it’s time to move the fuck on,” Bridget slurred.
“I should text him a picture of this penis straw. It’ll be like sending my own dick pic. We never get to send the dick pics!”
“Yes!” the ladies chorused.
Hailey pulled out her phone and took a closeup picture of her straw and another of the penis-shaped hat on her own head. She was practically bouncing in her seat at the idea of sending Gage these pictures.
HAILEY:How are these for dick pics, babe? Aren’t they huge?
After sending the text, Hailey fell into a fit of giggles before wrapping an arm around Lily, Bridget’s cousin, on her right.
“Okay, Lily I sent the dick pics, now will you be my new boyfriend?”
“Oh my gosh, Hailey! I’d be so honored!” Lily was giggling along with Hailey while holding her own empty glass. Thank goodness the girls splurged on a limo for tonight becausenoneof them were driving. After the club, they were having a sleepover at Emily’s house with late-night pizza to soak up the alcohol. It was a stellar plan.
“Bridge, did you hear that? Lily is my new boyfriend. Now I can be happy.”
Bridget turned to Hailey with a semi-serious look. She was drunk, but not nearly as far gone as Hailey.
“All I want is for you to be happy, Hailey,” Bridget decided to press her luck while Hailey’s inhibitions were down. “Instead of Lily, since, ya know, she’s already married, why don’t you make Avery your new boyfriend?” Bridget punctuated her statement by wagging her eyebrows excessively.
“Avery from soccer? My friend Avery? The one with the hair and the eyes?”
“Yes, Hailey, the only guy you know with hair and eyes.”
“Oh my goodness, you’re so right. Avery is perfectfor me and I’ve loved him since high school. He’s so nice and pretty.”
“Can you say that again while I record you so I can play it back for you tomorrow when you’re not drunk anymore?”
“Yes! Do it!”
Bridget pulled out her phone and Hailey repeated herself, only slurring a little bit. Bridget gave a nod when she was done recording and then reached out for a high five, which Hailey promptly slapped with her hand.
“You guys, you guys, you guys,” Hailey shouted at the top of her lungs because she was so excited. “I should send Avery the dick pic! Gage hasn’t even responded!”
Bridget put on a big shit-eating grin before encouraging Hailey to do it, but she made her promise to show them the text first so she didn’t say anything too bad. “Teamwork makes the dream work,” Hailey quipped.
She pulled up her text thread with Avery and attached the pictures with a bit of text.
HAILEY:Ever have a girl send you a dick pic? IT IS TIME!
She put her phone on the table so the girls could approve it. They all seemed to agree it was the best text they’d ever read in their lives thanks to the alcohol buzzing through their systems, so Haileyhit send.
After pocketing her cellphone (she was so happy this skirt came with a pocket) she jumped up and said, “Let’s go dance again! My best friend is getting married! Bridget, that’s you and I love you!”
