That’s a loaded question if I ever heard one. If he means in general, my list is a mile long. But when asking about us, it comes down to losing him. I can’t lose myself in somebody and watch them leave. That’s the most cliché relationship hang up, I know. There’s also a secondary fear that manifested the minute Max went down on the field. I have to ask him again. “What if . . . let’s just hypothetically throw this out there. You don’t get cleared to play and it’s over. Will you still want to be with me if I get my paintings in museums? If I can get my dream off the ground and yours is over?”
His brow furls and he’s hurt. “Ouch, Adler. You think I’m going to hold you back if I have to return to teaching P.E.? You think I wouldn’t support you in getting the life you want? You think I’m going to expect you to spend your Saturdays playing Bingo with Stella and her crew?”
Making it seem like that kind of a future is below him makes me defensive. “Yeah, Max. When your ego has always ridden on the one and only thing you are good at, it’s a real concern for me.”
And just like that, I effectively label him a one hit wonder and validated his fears.
“So that’s it, huh?” he says. “We both got what we wanted and you’re biding your time until you feel you’ve fulfilled your part of the contract.”
“Now you’re putting words inmymouth.”
“Well, what am I supposed to think? You haven’t said you want me. It’s not hard to put two and two together.”
A defeatist attitude annoys me when it comes from Emma and it doubly annoys me coming from a man in his mid-thirties. “Are we in high school? If I don’t parrot your feelings immediately back to you, you’re sure it means I don’t like you?”
He takes a breath. “Naw, that’s not it.”
“Then tell me.” I wait patiently while he struggles to put his feelings into words.
“I’ve never let anybody other than my sisters and Stella see that side of me.”
It’s just like Violet said. I take a drink and ask, “Why do you think that is?”
“I had an image to uphold—a cocky and crabby MVP can’t be seen acting like he thinks the world’s crashing around him.”
“And yet you’ve done it now in front of me. And Emma.”
His voice is low. “Because you’re my people.”
There’s a tightening in my chest, a desire to reach out and save him, but that’s not my job. Wife or not, that’s not the role I’m supposed to fill. It wouldn’t do him any good if I swooped in and saved the day every time he had a setback. Instead, I simply give his arm a squeeze to let him know I appreciate what he’s shared. “What is our plan moving forward? What do you need from me?”
“I need you to stop keeping me at arm’s length and let me take care of you.” He gives me a smirk and takes another bite of the sushi roll. “You say you’re all in but I need to know you’re all in. None of this claiming to be but playing it safe nonsense. You’re messing with my head.”
The smile I offer is meek at best. “It’s been a long time, Maxford. I don’t know if I can give up the power of feeling like I’m in charge of everything overnight. You’re not going to lose me but please understand my emotions are more guarded than yours.”
“I can do that. But, Nola, I believe in you. Once you relax your grip on the chore chart and tell Jen you quit the PTA, you’ll feel like a free woman.” He fidgets with the hem of his comforter and adds, “I’m going to start therapy again when I’m in Seattle. I found a doc today who will do online sessions while I’m on the road. Turns out I don’t cope with disappointment as well as I thought I did. My sisters both called me this afternoon and told me to get my act together and grow up.”
I raise a brow at this news. “They did?”
“They’ve loved bossing me around since I’m the baby.” His face softens in the TV glow. “But they’re not wrong. It’s time.”
That’s a good start.I lean over and touch my lips to his. He runs a hand through my hair and lets his fingers linger on my jawline as he deepens the kiss.
Coming up for air, he asks, “Anything else you need to get off your chest?”
“Nope. You have any complaints for me?”
“Yeah.”He settles back against his pillow and I arch a brow.
“Let’s hear it.”
“No more grocery store sushi.”
“Shut up.” I laugh and elbow him, scooting myself closer to Max. He’s warm and his side molds against mine perfectly. His stubble’s a few days old. His hair is askew. He’s a hot mess, but he’s my hot mess. I turn the movie back on. “They’re going to start falling for each other and that’s my favorite part.”
25
MAXFORD
