I feel my cheeks warm. “Well, I’m going to go change into something that fits. Thanks again for retrieving this for me.”
Then I quickly leave the room, shutting Boone’s bedroom door behind me before leaning on it, sighing.
I hadn’t thought I’d meet Boone’s parents. Not now, possibly not ever. Of course, I’d thought about it. My mind had begun to wander off into unknown territory, a place I kept barricaded because it was a place I’d been to before in my ignorance with a boyfriend I’d managed to keep for five months. Planning a life with someone only to have the fantasy ripped away the moment they decided it wasn’t going to work, which was the polite way to say, ‘It’s definitely you.’
I am more of a woman of the hour than a woman for a lifetime, or at least that’s what my track record from the last twenty-two years of boyfriends, and lack of them, has concluded.
Boone is weak. Maybe he doesn’t realize it, and I’m not sure I realized it at first either. I thought I was the weaker one, but I’m the first woman he’s allowed into his life since Becca, and he didn’t exactly allow it. I kind of managed to force my way in through my own reckless decisions.
I’m fun now because I’m new and different and maybe even exciting. But he’ll realize sooner or later that I amjust the woman that helped him feel again, and not the one he wants forever.
I need to be the stronger one of us right now.
I lift my suitcase onto Boone’s bed, unzipping it, thankful to see things that are mine. I rub my hand over the familiar fabrics. I choose a festive red turtleneck sweater and black leather pants that I don’t have to roll around my waist to fit. Then I internally squeal when I pull out my makeup bag and quickly snatch up my mascara, running to the bathroom attached to Boone’s bedroom.
“Better,” I say to myself in the mirror.
I return to the bedroom, packing my bag back up and folding Boone’s clothes neatly on his bed. I’ve made my decision, and I stiffen my spine with resolve before I take a breath and go back out to ask Boone’s parents for a ride back to Miranda so I can get myself back to the airport and resume my real life, and Boone can go choose the woman he wants to find a new forever with and not just be stuck with me.
Chapter Twenty
“Kate, you know this isn’t about me. This is about you,” Boone argues.
We’re outside, me, bundled up in my flimsy pink coat and stilettos, and him, unprepared for this Christmas chaos I’ve decided to create. For his own good, of course. He doesn’t know me. Not really. He just knows enough to find me interesting. For now.
I always seem intriguing at first. Something you take a longer look at and then quickly look away from when you discover the magic is just a mess.
“We just met, Boone. This was fun, and I really appreciate you rescuing me. I do. I owe you my life,” I reply with a settled sigh. I’ve made up my mind. There’s no going back now.
Boone grabs for my hands, but I’m too quick, my reflexes ready to protect me from his warmth and pleading, and I tuck my hands within my arms as I cross them.
“Kate. You’re scared. That’s all this is.”
“I’m not scared,” I defend. “I’m just being honest. We barely know each other, and we got swept up in Christmas. You didn’t choose me, and I didn’t choose you. This just was what it was, andI need to get back to my life, so you can get back to yours.”
“Kate.” Boone utters my name as I study his face. I’ve always been one to face a challenge straight on. The way his face wrinkles isn’t with anger or even frustration, which I’ve seen many times; it’s something different. Something softer. “Did you not feel something?”
I sigh. “Feeling something isn’t the same as facts. We aren’t made for each other. I’m just the first woman that caused you to feel something since Becca. Some irrational, ridiculous, well-dressed stranger that you’ll forget about as soon as you find someone new. Someone who fits your life better than I do.”
Boone’s chest falls. He steps closer to me, and I’m afraid he’s going to go all in. Try to make me stay when I know I need to go. But he doesn’t. He opens the back door to his parents’ Jeep. “I’m not going to argue with you, Kate. I’ll fight for you, but I’m not going to fight against you. You’re doing enough of that yourself.”
I blink, my jaw dropping slightly before I snatch it back up. I expected him to argue with me. Everyone always does. My tongue is twitching, expecting words to roll off it, but I have none. Kate Everett is officially silent, and I don’t know how to proceed, so I just get in the Jeep, Boone still holding the door.
Before he closes it, he looks at me with what appears to be admiration glittering in his blue eyes. “And you’re not some irrational, ridiculous woman, Kate. I hope one day you’ll let someone in, so they can really know how remarkable you are.”
But Boone doesn’t understand what knowing me really means. No one ever has loved me when they’ve reallyknownme. My imperfections are just as big and loud as the parts that make me shimmer. What makes me great also always makes me not great enough.
It’s weird how you can be both too much and not enough, and yet, that was me. Too loud meant not quiet enough. Too confident meant not humble enough. Too bold meant not modest enough. Too much was always not enough of something.
Then the door shuts, and my emotions begin to swirl within me, like the blizzard that brought me to Boone.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Kate?”
I’m looking at my phone screen, which happens to be displaying my Amazon cart with a Nespresso machine. I delete it, and even though it disappears, my hope that the mug Boone and I made together arrives at my apartment doesn’t. I don’t know if he’ll still send it, but I have a feeling he will. Boone is as bitter as his coffee, which means, he’s not.
“What’s up?” I ask my boss who doesn’t really act like my boss. Stephanie acts more like a supervisor who doesn’t care what I do because she knows I don’t just always get the job done; I get it done better than anyone else does.
