I turned toward him, feeling a mixture of frustration and resolve. “I need to talk to you. In private.”
Caden stood up first. “We’ll be back in an hour. Give you two a chance to talk. Then we need to form a plan.” He translated Julian’s head and body away with a flick of his wrist, his black haze darkening the room for only a second.
On some level, I wished I could muster any sympathy for my childhood friend’s gruesome end, but after everything I’d learned these past few hours, the sight of the decapitated body had barely stirred any emotion in me.
I didn’t feel a single ounce of grief for the man who had—Nope, not hurling again. I forced the wave of nausea back down.
Stephen rose from his chair, silent and composed, before following Caden out of the room without another word, leaving James and me alone in the thick, suffocating quiet.
I turned to James, my heart aching as I took in the full gravity of his betrayal. He had lied to me for months—not just throughout my entire first year at Cyclos, but even throughout our whole relationship. He had possessed knowledge about my past, about every facet of my existence, and had chosen to keep it hidden.
Despite professing his love for me, he had opted for silence on subjects that were closest to my heart—and his. How could this be love? How could this be real?
Dread filled my stomach as I realized how time and again, the person I had considered the love of my life had prioritized secrecy over our relationship. His gaze, filled with a desperate plea for forgiveness, bore into my soul as I stared back, silent and unmoving. My heart pounded in my chest, and numbness gripped my body, as though I had been injected with a powerful sedative, rendering me incapable of uttering a single word.
“I’m so sorry for keeping this from you. Please tell me you understand why,” he whispered, sounding filled with regret. But I didn’t understand why. Not even a little bit.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You knew I wasmind-rapedas a baby, and you didn’t tell me,” I choked out, my stomach rebelling as I hurled again. This was going to take every ounce of effort to process. “Mind-raped, James! And that’s not even it, you kneweverything!”
And now I was yelling.
“You knew the reason for my struggles, for me being different! Everything I ever wanted to know! Everything I was trying to research, you fucking knew!”
“Every time I asked, you made me feel like I was crazy for even questioning you. Like I was the problem. Like I had trust issues. But it wasyou.” My voice cracked, thick with rage and disbelief. “You gaslighted me. You acted like I was just obsessing over nothing—like you were only keeping some classified shit from me, you weren’t allowed to share.”
I was breathing too hard.
“You kept secret after secret after secret. You didn’t hesitate to shut down my translation to keep me hidden, to make sure no one detected me—but telling me why? That was too much?”
"Emma, please, try to understand. Julian told me not to tell you and the only reason I agreed was so he’d leave the continent. The only thing I did was uphold my end of the deal," James pleaded, clearly hoping for some…whatever it was he wanted.
“Oh, fuck off, James, that’s such bullshit!” I slammed my fist against the wall, needing the pain to anchor me. “You don’t give a shit about upholding rules or orders. I’ve seen you bend and break the rules for me the entire year. Hell, this whole thing between us started with you covering up a fucking murder for me! Or was it an attempted murder? Because you never really told me what happened with thateither!”
My chest rose and fell in rapid, uneven breaths. “The only time you actually ever follow rules or orders is when you’re hiding things from me. Why is that? Could it be because it conveniently legitimizes your reluctance to share anything? Because if there’s one thing that’s clear, it’s that you only do whateveryouthink is right, even if it means keeping the truth from me.”
“No, Emma, I−” he began, but I cut him off.
“Do you trust me?”
James blinked, taken aback. “What?”
“It’s a simple question, James. I know you love me, in your own fucked up way, but do you trust me? Do you believe I’d protect you? That I’d guard your secrets? Do you trust my judgment?”
I stepped closer.
“Do you believe in your girlfriend enough to let her choose for herself? Do. You. Trust. Me?”
He hesitated for a moment too long, and I closed my eyes, feeling the crushing pain of his indecision settle over me.
“I get it,” I said quietly. “Given your past, I understand why it's hard for you to let someone in. I really do. But here’s the thing, James—by withholding that faith in me, you've become someone I can’t rely on either. You took the choice out of my hands. You decided what was best without even telling me.”
I looked him in the eye, voice steady even though I was breaking inside.
“And the worst part? You kept me small—not to protect me, but to protect your secrets.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I added, “You betrayed me.”
His response came quickly, almost too quickly. “I swear, Emma, on my life, I wanted to tell you everything, but I couldn’trisk him coming back. I couldn’t risk people finding out about it, you’d be in so much danger.”
