He mumbled under his breath, barely audible. “I never wanted this.”
I frowned, as confusion flooded my thoughts. “Never wanted what?”
He didn’t answer.
Instead, he turned to me, his gaze still edged with vehemence—but beneath the fire, another current ran through him. Was it grief? Or guilt? I wasn’t sure.
“We’re not done talking about this,” he said, before lifting his hand and slicing a portal open with a single, fluid motion.
Without another word, he stepped through, taking Sean and Nino with him. The portal closed behind them with a loud crack, leaving the room eerily quiet in their absence.
I stood frozen, my mind still reeling from the confrontation. Matthew lingered, his eyes sweeping across the room, taking in the wreckage left by James’s earlier outburst.
“What the hell happened here?” he asked, disbelief etched across his face as he zeroed in on the debris.
I let out a long, shaky breath, still trying to make sense of it all.
“I have no fucking clue.”
I was shaking. Shaking with remorse, fear, and the lingering rush of adrenaline. The crushing realization of what I had done—and what I now knew—pinned me in place.
Pacing my own dorm aimlessly, I was almost relieved when Jackson nexed me, agreeing to meet me at the Cube.
After filling him in on the events of the last few hours, he drew in a slow breath, every part of him wound tight with restraint.
“Let me get this straight,” he said, shaking his head with disbelief. “Sean, an Offensive from Crown, who we knownothingabout, convinced you to break into the loft of yourboyfriend, our next Leader and the current First Offensive?”
“Yes,” I mumbled, almost unable to hold his gaze.
“And you didn’t stop to think it could’ve been a setup?” Jackson’s voice grew harsher with every second. “For gods’ sake, Emma, youknowJames! Better than anyone! How could you believe a stranger over him?Again?”
“Sean is not a stranger,” I shot back, a defensive edge creeping into my words. “I’ll admit, I haven’t known him long, but there’s something about him I trust! Unlike James who’sbeen cagier than ever these last few months. And what do you mean again?”
Jackson’s eyes flashed with frustration. “I mean, like you trusted Julian! You know, the guy you formed the True Bond with and thendisappeared?”
I gasped, the shock hitting me like a slap. “You know about that?”
“Of course I do!” he practically shouted. “Why do you think I agreed to help you with your research? I’m as curious as you are—how was it even possible to form the True Bond when you were so obviously in love with someone else?”
I stared at him, my mind blank.
Before I could stop myself, the question that had been gnawing at me for weeks slipped out. "Do you think he could’ve forced it?"
Jackson shook his head firmly, and with it, whatever twisted shred of hope I had left crumbled. Did I really want to believe I’d been mind-raped? No. But the idea that I’d willingly bonded with Julian while loving James seemed even worse somehow.
"Being forced into a True Bond is one of the worst things a magus can endure," he said grimly. "You’d have been in agony for weeks. Physically, it would’ve wrecked you. Emotionally… let’s just say, there’s no greater trauma. It’s a violent intrusion of your entire being. It forces you to share every aspect of yourself with someone you did not choose, every thought, every emotion, every translation. No way you’d be using magic after, let alone standing on your two feet. Let alone fighting a battle and surviving an Amplifier."
I swallowed hard, instantly regretting the thought. Clearly, mind-rape was worse.
Jackson inhaled sharply, then dragged a hand down his face. “Emma, I’m sorry but can you please explain to me why in the hell you find it so hard to simply have faith in James? Honestly,you seem to have a knack for believing everyone else over your own boyfriend.”
I blinked, the realization settling in. He wasn’t wrong—Ihadtrusted Julian over James. And now Sean. Again. A pattern I hadn’t even noticed until now.
“I don’t… I don’t know why I do that,” I admitted softly, the words tasting bitter. “It’s like there’s this voice in my head, making sure I never fully go all in with James. And I don’t know why.”
Jackson gave me a sad smile, his face reflecting a flicker of pity—or maybe understanding. “Well, you guys don’t have what I’d call stellar communication.”
I snorted, the sound harsh but cathartic. “You now running for president of understatements, or is it just a hobby?”
