“You look so much like Imogen when she was your age,” she whispers with a small smile.
I smile back, but turmoil churns in my heart as memories of my mother blaze into my mind.
Maeve 9 Years Old
“Evie!” Mom yelled from across the garden, “It’s time for lunch!” I popped out of my hiding spot that Callum and I had created inside the tall bushes. Callum and Ronan helped me keep it up, so there was always a clear space inside them.
“Coming, Mháthair!” I told her as I emerged. I started running as soon as I cleared the opening in the bushes. I caught up with her at the steps leading to the back door, falling into step with her as she started up the stairs. Her hand found the center of my shoulder blades. Biddy met her at the back door with a crystal vase for the roses she had in her other hand.
“Thank you,” my mother said warmly as she placed the flowers in the vase.
“Mo bhláth,” Momma said to me as she sat beside me, running her hand down the back of my head until reached the ends of my hair, where she ran her fingers through them. “Are you excited to spend the evening with the boys?”
“Yes! We decided on a movie, but we're going to build a fort first. They're the princes, and I am the princess.” I told her, straightening my posture to imitate the way a royal would sit.
“Oh, is that so?” She mused, continuing to stroke my hair while I ate my Irish stew and soda bread. “Well, remember, we will be out late at the gala, so you three shouldn’t stay up waiting for us.” I looked at my mother,my mouth full of stew, and gazed into her eyes. They looked like mine. Her strawberry hair was wavy and blowing with the breeze drifting through the open glass doors, not far from where we sat.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said after swallowing my food. “Can Orin and Thadg come stay, too?”
“Sure, I will let Cian know that they need to be sent over before we leave.” Her smile was kind, but that kindness was reserved only for those she cared about. The landline rang, and Biddy walked quickly to answer it. Momma and I waited patiently to see who was calling.
“It’s for you, Miss,” Biddy told my mother while her hand was over the speaker to muffle their voices. My mother nodded her head as she walked over to where Biddy stood with the phone.
“Hello? This is she. Wait, who did you say this was?” My mother looked at the phone, confusion etched on her face, and then slowly hung it back up before turning to face me.
“Who was that, Momma?” I asked, curiosity got the best of me. Her eyes were sharp, and she had a fire burning behind them.
“Oh, I’m not sure,” she said, her voice a bit rougher, like she was holding back. She called Biddy over and whispered something in her ear before she walked back over to where I sat. Momma kissed me on the head, taking a deep breath before stroking my hair once more. She was always gentle with me, but those not in the inner circle didn’t get that part of her.
I had only seen that other side of her a few times, and it terrified me. Someone tried to hurt us a few weeks ago while we were shopping, andCian had stepped out of the store to take a phone call. The masked man tried to grab her, and I thought she would be scared. She wasn’t. She was calm as she reached into her handbag and pulled out her pistol and pointed it at the man's chest. His eyes went wide, and she told him that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and that she was going to enjoy watching him bleed slowly for coming near her while she was with her daughter. I knew in that moment that I wanted to be just like her, and after Cian walked back in moments later, he was so angry.
She sat me down on one of the benches in the store to check on me and told me that I never had to worry as long as I was with my family. We took care of each other with fierceness. I snuck down to the basement that night and watched her hit that man over and over again. She cut his skin, cutting the spider tattoo he had on his forearm off in the process. The man begged for her to stop, but she told him that he had lost any chance of that when he decided to try anything with her daughter present.
I watched her look over my face, noticing a long scratch on my cheek from the bushes when I’d crawled into our spot earlier. She stared at me for a few heartbeats more before she leaned forward to place another kiss on the top of my head.
“I have to go get everything ready for tonight, but I will come see you before we leave tonight, okay?” Her eyes were soft with a sharp edge to them. I nodded my head with one more kiss to my forehead as she stood, “I love you, mo bhláth.”
“I love you, Momma,” I told her with a smile on my face, looking into her green eyes that mirrored mine in more ways than one. Cian met her in the doorway. He was standing dutifully, with his hands behindhis back and his shoulders pulled back, tall. He followed her out of the room. I saw them right before they left for the gala. Momma’s hug was warm and tighter than usual, but I squeezed her back just as hard.
Callum, Ronan, Orin, and Thadg came over nearly half an hour before our parents left for the gala. We used almost every throw pillow and blanket in the house to build our fort that night. Biddy and a couple of other ladies watched over us that night. We watched movies and ate so much candy that our stomachs ached.
The next morning, I woke up inside the fort, the boys on either side of me snoring and sleeping soundly. I heard sniffling and faint whispers outside the fort. I shifted the sheets that acted as our door to see Biddy, puffy-eyed and red-faced. She was whispering to one of the men who worked for my father. I learned shortly after that there had been a car accident and my parents were taken to the hospital.
I never saw my mother again.
By this point, all of the guests are standing in the foyer, but I hadn’t looked at anyone yet. I quickly turn my head so that no one will see the tears filling my eyes.
“Excuse me for a moment,” I manage to say, then I quickly make my way to the nearest bathroom and lock myself inside.
I brace my hands on the sink, drop my head, and let the tears fall freely now. My hand goes to my chest. The ache in my heart is familiar, butone I haven’t felt in a long time. No one had said her name out loud since the falling out. Before that, it was usually Aisling who spoke of her. They’d been best friends, and Aisling would often tell me stories about my mother. My father never mentioned her. I used to wonder whether he just wanted to forget her. But no, that could never be true. She was the love of his life, and these days, I had a little more insight into my father’s stoic front. Her loss was too painful for him, and the only way he could deal with it was to just…not.
I hurriedly wipe away tears and crack the door open to check the hall. Everyone has moved into the sitting room. As quickly and quietly as I can, I run upstairs to my room to fix the makeup I’d cried off. I let the door close with only a soft click filling the silence. I hurry into my bathroom and grab my mascara and eyeliner, making everything look fresh, sharp, erasing the tracks of my tears. With both hands on the edge of the vanity, I take a deep, shuddering breath. I walk out of my bathroom to head back downstairs, but my hand pauses momentarily on the door handle.
You can do this,I tell myself.
I walk back into the sitting room to find my father, Niall, and Aisling engrossed in a conversation next to the wet bar in the corner. Cian, my father’s enforcer, and Eoin, the Egans' enforcer, are engrossed in conversation, catching up. I step further into the room and see Orin speaking with Ronan as if no time had passed.
Ronan. I feel rage welling up inside me. I wonder whether I’d look insane if I just walked up and kicked him right in the… yeah, I probably would. I know what he did, and he knows what he did. But I don't feel like involving everyone else in that ancient drama. I need to keep it together tonight.
