Page 59 of Nine Years After


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Too many men. Too many eyes.

“Oi, clear out!” I heard Lorcan order the men in the room to disperse. “Light a fire under yer arses!”

I could hear their feet move faster, bags being slung, keys jingling. It was silent for a while before he placed his hand on my shoulder, and I shook my head. I didn’t want to look up, but his grip tightened. Reluctantly, I looked up, but it wasn’t Lorcan.

“What are you doing here?” I said as I attempted to get to my feet. “Who’s watching Maeve?”

Orin kept a hand on my shoulder, forcing me to stay down.

“She’s with her dad at the moment, and will be for a few hours.” His words didn’t comfort me all that much, but I couldn’t help it. The only comfort in this shit-show that was my life was knowing she had Orin looking after her.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better about it,” I said, shrugging his hand away. I struggled to my feet, and just as I stood, the door swung open. Thadg and Ronan came strutting in, and I groaned inwardly.

I couldn’t do this right now.

“Oi,” Thadg coaxed, his voice surprisingly soft for someone so gruff. I stopped walking and hung my head as my chest rose and fell. Keeping the emotion in was becoming a losing battle. With one hand on my hip and the other pressing into my eyes, I attempted to hold it together.

“Cal,” Ronan started, but I swatted his hand away after he placed it on my arm.

“Just fucking stop. Leave me alone,” I croaked.

“Look, man, it’s just us.”

I turned to look at them, and I knew they’d be able to see how hollow I felt. But I didn’t want to hear any words of encouragement. I didn’t want to hear shit.

“What? You wanted to talk so badly, so FUCKING WHAT?” I shouted, throwing my hands in the air.

Orin and Thadg sat on the edge of a table, arms crossed over their chests, looking concerned.

“You’ve got to let it out, man,” Thadg said softly.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said, my voice breaking. “I don’t know what to do without her.”

“We know, man,” Orin assured quietly. But he got to see her every day, while I had to watch from a distance.

I couldn’t stand it.

I did my best not to hold that against him because he was one of the few people I trusted, especially when it came to Maeve’s safety. There was no one better.

“She isn’t happy, either—” Thadg began, but Orin’s stern expression silenced him.

“What is going on?” I demanded.

“Maeve went on a… date,” Orin said, raising his hands placatingly.

I stumbled back a few feet before my back made contact with the wall, and I slid down. My mind was vacant of anything for a heartbeat, then I slammed my head against the cement wall hard enough to send the original headache away and replace it with a new one.

“Fuck, man,” Ronan swore as he walked over to me with a towel.

“If you had let me finish,” Orin said with a raised brow. “Nessa set her up on a double date. She only went to get Nessa off her back. She hated every second of it. I stayed close by. Thadg did, too. We took her homebefore it was even over. Nessa didn’t let her leave without a fight, but Thadg put himself between Maeve and the guy. That’s when the guy decided it was time for him to leave, too.”

A tear slipped down my cheek. Part of me was glad that she hated it. But I wanted her to be happy, whether it was with me or not.

I feel a hand grasp my forearm. I glance down to see Maeve staring up at me, concern in her eyes. Leaning over, I place a kiss on her hairline and wrap my arm around her, pulling her into my side. Orin clears his throat from down the hall, breaking us from our solitude. I cut my eyes toward him, and he nods as he opens the doors to my father's office.

Maeve takes a steadying breath, standing tall as we walk in. I squeeze her hand three times, and she does the same in return. My face shows nothing more than a schooled calm as I scan the room. Everyone there is a trusted individual within both families. The heavy doors close behind us with a click that echoes in the solemn silence.

Maeve releases my hand and walks to her father, his arms outstretched to embrace her in a hug. I don’t know who is more shocked, me or everyone else in the room. Ever since Imogen passed, he has been a shell of a man, cold and distant. He hasn’t shown much emotion past disdain in a decade and a half. His mood at dinner earlier this week had been a shock, but this has every person in the room exchanging looks as if we are all seeing the same hallucination. I hear Maeve sniffle as she squeezes him a little tighter before he releases her.