I sit there, stunned. I have half the mind to race after him and tell him to fuck off, that I’m not going to be at the stupid fucking dinner, that if he genuinely thinks of me as his successor, he’d actually tell me what the fuck is going on.
But I don’t. I sit there with my hands on the edge of the table, trying to will my heart to stop pounding. Suddenly, Callum’s face flashes in my mind, but it isn’t the sweet face of the boy I had loved so many years ago. The face I see is the same one he made when he got caught with Nessa. That slow, empty gaze. Expressionless. Not caring.
I shake my head, trying to clear it, and eventually, I make my way back up to my room, wondering what the hell I’m going to do now.
Chapter 2
Callum
Indelible (adj) impossible to erase or forget
25 Years Old–Present Day
The steady ticking of the clock on the wall is punctuated now and again by distant rumbles of thunder. I stand at the window in my darkened study, a neat glass of whiskey in my hand, looking out at the dreary evening. The clouds are dark, impenetrable, oppressive.How fitting, I think to myself as I take a long drink from the glass. I feel the burn spread through my chest, then into my bloodstream like a warm rush. In the distance, across the darkening line of oaks and pines, I can just make out the roof of the Collins’ place.Herplace.
I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve stood in this exact spot over the last 9 years. I know every tree. But what I still can’t shake is how close I’ve been to her all this time, and howlittlethat proximity matters anymore. We’re as far apart as two people can be. I can see her some nights, sitting on that tiny balcony right off her bedroom, a small book light illuminating her face in the darkness as she reads. Even after all this time, I still have to fight the urge to go to her, or to call her. But I don’t know how to begin bridging the distance between us. Plus, she’d made it abundantly clear that she never wanted anything to do with me again. I shake my head and toss back the whiskey.
Tonight, she doesn’t have a choice in the matter. I smile to myself as the whiskey burns its way down my throat and anticipation builds inside me.
Callum 16 Years Old
“Will you be able to get out tomorrow night to go to the party at Lincoln’s?” I asked.
Maeve was lying on her back, staring at the night sky. My hand rested lightly on her stomach, and I watched her closely, trying to concentrate. We were tucked away in a small section of her mother’s garden where the bushes were tall enough to give us privacy. It had always been a special spot of ours. As kids, we’d hide here during games of hide and seek with Thadg, Orin and Ronan. But these days, things between Maeve and me were… different.
As I stared at her, I realized that she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her long, strawberry blonde hair fanned out around her head on the grass, and her light green eyes slowly drifted between constellations in the night sky. I could see them reflected there, could see every freckle on her nose. Her fingers ran lightly over the top of my hand aimlessly, and her lips curved in a small smile.
“You’re staring at me again,” she whispered, still looking at the stars.
“I’m always staring at you.”
“I know,” she said, turning toward me. “I like it.”
“Good. Because I like doing it. Now about the party…”
“Yeah, I’ll be there,” she said with a sigh. “Nessa is going to be my cover. We’re telling my dad that we’ll be studying at her house.”
“Great,” I reply, hoping I sounded pleasant and not annoyed.
Nessa was something else, and not in a good way. She was a brat, really. She seemed to feel a sense of superiority since her father, Liam, was also in the business. Everyone else knew the truth, though. He was only part of the business because he’d been married to Cormac’s late sister Eimear, and even now, was only “in” on a need-to-know basis. There was something off about Liam. Something I couldn’t put my finger on, and apparently Cormac felt the same, always keeping him at arm’s length.
There was something off about Nessa, too, but that one was easier to figure out. It was all part of her roleplay as some kind of mafia princess. Any time Ronan, Thadg, or Orin were around, she was all high-pitched giggles, grasping their arms and flipping her hair, asking them questions about what was happening in the warehouses. Not to mention the fact that she was always inviting me to spend time with her alone, without Maeve. She’d long since given up asking me for information, but still tried shamelessly to seduce me. I’d managed to successfully dodge that bullet so far, though. I just wrote it off as desperation to fit in with us, to be a real part of “the life,” as she called it. I just wasn’t sure whether I should tell Maeve or not. They were best friendsandcousins, and I knew Maeve would feel betrayed, regardless of how pathetic Nessa really was. And Maeve was in short supply of friends. Cormac was very protective, and he carefully monitored her comings and goings. He had damn good reason to, of course, but Maeve couldn’t be in the loop on that. Not yet, anyway. I didn’t feel great about keeping things from her,but ever since we were kids, I’d had this primal need to protect her at all costs. And sometimes, that meant keeping things from her.
Maeve was still staring at me, running her fingers through my hair. It felt so good. I closed my eyes and inhaled heavily, taking in the scent of her vanilla lotion. I leaned closer and buried my face at the base of her neck, kissing her collarbone as I slid my hand over her waist and pulled her against me. I felt her fingers tighten in my hair, heard her whimper quietly, and I lost it. I slid my hand up her back and brought my lips to hers, kissing her deeply.
Things started heating up quickly. Without thinking, I rolled on top of her, sliding my knee between her legs. She gasped as I kissed her neck. I lifted her shirt, letting my fingers trail across her skin, and began kissing down her stomach. She arched her back, and I felt her fingernails sink into my shoulders. A groan rumbled in my chest as I reached the edge of her jeans, my fingers fumbling to unbutton them.
“Callum,”she moaned, her voice a hoarse whisper. I paused and looked up at her.
“Callum, I don’t… I don’t want my first time to be in the backyard of my dad's house.”
I sighed and pulled her shirt back down, then crawled back up so that my face was hovering just above hers. She was biting her lip nervously, and I felt like an eejit.
“While I would love nothing more than to ravage you,” I say, waggling my eyebrows suggestively, “I do want our first time to be special. So, if you’re not feeling it, I’m notfeeling it.”
Her brows rose, and she sagged, releasing a breath I didn’t realize she had been holding. “You’re not upset?”
I laughed and shook my head, gazing down at her. “Maeve,” I said, dipping my head so that our noses were almost touching, ”How could I be upset? I love you. You’re the most important thing to me. Not sex.”
