She asleep?
After a few minutes, Orin replied.
Yeah, she just fell back asleep.
I grit my teeth, thinking about what to say. I nodded a silent goodbye to Cormac, then headed up the stairs towards Maeve’s room as I typed the message.
I need to talk to you. Will you come to the door?
The ellipsis bubble pops up and down, as if he kept changing his response. Finally, his message came through.
Yeah, just don’t knock. Text me when you’re outside the door.
Well, open up then.
I hear the sound of the lock on the knob softly click as Orin slowly pulls the door just wide enough to slip through without waking her. I caught a glimpse of her, and my heart seemed to stop. The whole world seemed to stop.
She didn’t look like she was getting better. She looked ill, her skin pale and covered in bandages. I felt frozen as I stared at the door Orin closed behind him.
“Hey man, you okay?”
I grit my teeth and clench my fists, trying to get a grip. “She doesn’t look any better. What can I do? I need to do something, she can’t…” My voice cracks and I trail off, lost for words.
Orin placed a hand on my shoulder, and I finally looked at him, his eyes bloodshot with dark bags beneath them.
“She’s surviving, Cal. That’s the best she can do at this moment. She has to work through this part her way, and we have to follow her lead.”
I nod and straighten my back, attempting to feel taller, but it doesn’t change anything. She was broken. And I was useless.
“Do you think I could lie with her for just a little while? You can go shower and do whatever you need to,” I say, despising the note of pleading in my voice.
He looks over his shoulder as if he can see her through the door, then back at me. He looks torn.
“Please…” I whisper. “I need to… I need to feel her breathing, Orin. My mind keeps replaying the moment I opened that door, and I couldn’t see her chest moving. I just need to feel her. Please.”
Like a bolt of lightning, the memory of performing CPR on Maeve’s lifeless body struck me. Orin had been right there with me. He took over after pulling me away from her. I don’t know how long I’ve been working on her. I just remember sweat pouring down my face and my muscles aching, and Orin jerking me away by the shoulders. I backed up against the wall of that piece of shit house they’d held her in, breathing so hard I thought I’d faint. I’d gripped my hair in my fists, panic clutching at my chest, and when Ronan walked into the room, the look in his eyes told me that this was really happening. And it was bad.
Orin finally got breath sounds back, and I immediately scooped Maeve up and raced out of the house and to the SUV with Orin trailing closely behind me. I briefly registered that Ronan was helping get Thadg loaded in the other SUV. I cradled her without letting go until right before she woke. I didn’t want to let go, but I knew she didn’t want me there. Werushed back to the Collin’s estate, where we had our personal medical staff waiting for our arrival. We couldn’t go to a hospital, no. It would stir questions, and there would be too many eyes.
Orin was constantly watching her, racked by guilt, just like me. When he wasn’t, he was checking up on Thadg. Those two had always had a deep bond. They’d both lost their parents in the same explosion, leaving them both orphans at a young age. That’s why the aftermath of all this had left Orin so broken. Why he knew he had to let me see Maeve. Because when you live this kind of life, you never know when you’ll see someone for the last time.
He sighed. “I’ll only be gone for twenty minutes tops, okay?”
I nodded. Orin opened the door, checking to see whether Maeve was still asleep. He turned back to me and nodded, then walked down the hall, his hands in his pockets. I stepped into the room, trying to calm my racing heart as I crawled beside her in the bed, moving slowly and quietly, not wanting to wake her.
Her hair wasn’t shiny like it usually was, and her skin was so pale, so bruised. I slowly moved behind her and gently wrapped my arm around her. I don’t know if I hallucinated it, but it felt like, in that moment, she relaxed, some of the tension flowed out of her body. She let out a deep breath and turned toward me, causing me to freeze in place. That was until she curled into me, her face against my chest.
I stroked her hair gently as I listened to every soft breath that she took. I never knew how badly I’d need to hear someone breathe, how much it would feel like I couldn’t breathe. As we lay there, she’d moan softlyand mumble a few words here and there, but when she said my name on a tiny breath, I felt a pang in my heart.
“Cal? Cal? Where are you?”
Barely a whisper. I placed my lips on her head in the hardest, yet most gentle kiss I could muster, and did everything I could to not let the sob break through. I couldn’t wake her. I needed every second I could get. As if he could feel it, Orin walked through the door and nodded, letting me know it was time to go. Reluctantly, I rose from my position and allowed Orin to take my place in the bed. His wounds were more than the cuts and bruises that marred his body. They ran deeper. He needed rest, so the only way to ensure he got any was to have him here with her. We gave each other a nod before I walked to the door. I paused with my hand on the door and looked back to see Maeve's eyebrows had drawn together like she knew I had left, and that’s what broke the dam. I closed the door behind me, leaning against it for support, only to slide to the floor.
And I broke.
“What do you say we go grab some breakfast?” I propose attempting to lighten the mood.
“I don’t have anything other than the dress to wear. I wasn’t exactly prepared to stay the night,” she says sheepishly.
