I’m walking down the hall toward my room when I hear my father coming up the stairs behind me, pulling me from the memory.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
I just look at him, expressionless, then turn away and hurry into my bedroom without responding.
He doesn’t try to stop me or knock on my door. He never does. But this has been our pattern for years, a barrier of silence between us.
I walk into my closet and start shuffling my clothes, searching for something cozier to put on so I can go outside and read. I pull my blackdress off and toss it on the floor to deal with later. I slide on a pair of oversized gray sweatpants and scan the rack for a shirt. At the very back of the closet, a red-stained shirt sleeve catches my eye. I stare at it, frozen in place, then shake my head and snatch the white long-sleeve WSU shirt, the hanger swinging violently.
I turn my speaker on and start the "Doom and Gloom"playlist on my phone. "Sometimes"by Ashley Singh starts to play, just loud enough for me to hear it through the open window. I grab my book, slide the window open, and climb carefully over the side of my small balcony and out onto the roof. There's a surprisingly cozy nook where two slopes of roof meet, and after my mother died, I'd taken to reading and hiding out there. No one could find me, and I could be alone with my thoughts and my books. After being so close to Callum tonight, I need a little solitude.
At first, I just sit with my arms wrapped around my knees. I can see the Egan estate from here, and it’s part of the reason I sit out here so much. I wonder for the millionth time whether he ever looks out over the trees toward our estate, too. I squint through the darkness, looking for the lamplight I usually see in one of the windows, but it isn’t lit tonight. Sometimes, I pretend that it’s him, sitting at a desk, working late. It makes me feel less alone. Not tonight, though. From what I can see, the Egan house is shrouded in darkness.Where is he now?I think to myself, trying to exclude the thought of him with other women. I take a deep breath and rest my chin on my knees, gazing up at the night sky. The stars twinkled faintly, not nearly as bright as they would be out at our lake. I feel a pang in my heart thinking about it. So many memories. And it has been so long since I’ve been.
I reach for my book, propping myself against a slope. I adjust the book light, placing my finger between the pages where the metal grips are located. I run my finger over the smooth surface, tracing the grooves in the metal.
"You survived too many thunderstorms to be bothered by raindrops."
I’d never figured out who sent it. I just found it inside my apartment on my nineteenth birthday, sitting on the dining room table. I thought Orin had given it to me, but he was adamant that it wasn't him. He said he’d found it on my doorstep the night before when he’d stepped outside for a cigarette. The only other thing in the little green box was a handwritten note:
"The people who wound us get no say in how we clean up the blood."
I realize that my eyes are sliding back and forth over the same paragraph again and again, but I’m not comprehending it. My mind’s a mess. Why had I said yes to that dinner with Callum? I should have just told him to kiss my ass. Butno. I let my heart answer instead of using my head. I needed to remember that this was just dinner between future business partners, potentially friends. Plus, Callum promised to fill me in on what’s been going on between our families. I can’t let my emotions get caught up like this again. I have to remain calm, cool, and collected. God knows people’s lives probably depend on it, especially mine.
I switch off the small light and set my book down beside me. It’s cold now. I wrap my arms around my middle and lean against my knees, looking out into the darkness. There’s a slight glow of light coming from the window at Callum’s. I wonder if he’s in there, what he’s doing.
Here’s a better thought: what amIgonna do?
I sit like that for a while, and finally, waves of exhaustion wash over me. It had been a long night. I climb back through the window awkwardly, my joints stiff from the cold. I close it behind me, then slide into my bed, pulling the covers to my chin. Just as my eyes drift shut, Nessa’s ringtone blares, making me jump.
I roll over to grab my phone from the nightstand.Jesus. I have 11 missed calls and 23 texts from her.What the hell?
“Nessa, are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? Where have YOU been?” She says, her voice high and shrill. I cringe at the sound. “I’ve been trying to reach you all evening!”
I roll my eyes.I’m not in the mood for this shit.
“The Egans were over for dinner,” I say flatly, and she doesn’t respond. I wait for a few seconds, growing impatient.
“Nessa? You there?”
“Sincewhenare you having dinner with the Egans? Andwhydid you not tell me?” She sounds pissed.
I lie there staring at the ceiling, trying not to sound irritated. “Well, a lot happened this morning…”How can I even explain this? It sounds insane.
She huffs, waiting for me to continue.
“My father told me this morning that we would be having dinner with them at five, then followed it up with some cryptic talk about aunited front.”
“WHAT?” Nessa yells through the phone, cutting me off. I hold it away from my ear, but I can still hear her loud and clear. “Maeve, you can’t befuckingserious! Why in the hell did you not tell me as soon as he told you? This is insane. I should have been at the dinner. I would have…”
She goes on,and on, and I just kind of… stop listening. I’m so exhausted. My eyelids feel so heavy…
“Maeve, are you even listening? Are you there?”
My eyes fly open, and I sigh deeply. “Yeah, I’m still here.”
“Then you better start talking,” she says acidly. “Why didn’t you invite me to dinner? I should have been there!”
