“Mum!”
Stacey winked at me. “Lovely to meet you, Ludo.” She flung her arms around me in an all-enveloping hug, then, as she released me, said, “Call me Stacey.”
“Likewise.”
“You want me to call you Stacey?”
“No, I mean, it’s?—”
Stacey burst into peals of laughter.
“Only teasing, love,” she said. Sunny rolled his eyes.
“Did you bring my things?” Sunny asked, somewhat impatiently.
“Your bags are in the kitchen,” Stacey said. “I’ve done your laundry. Not your socks, though. I’m sorry, love. They’re still having trauma therapy.”
“Enough, Mum. Behave.” Sunny glared at his mother, then smiled at me. “Back in a tick.” He trotted off in a direction I took to be towards the kitchen, presumably to collect his bags. Stacey leant over conspiratorially.
“Are you two on together now, then?” she asked bluntly. This woman was as ruthless as a KGB officer.
“I, um, I, er. Iguessso,” I said. “I certainly hope so. We’re definitely heading that way. I mean, I’m literally wearing his underpants right now.” Shut up, Ludo.Shut up. Stacey’s eyebrows went up. “Sorry. Not sure why I said that.”
“Don’t worry, love. Just stay away from his socks, and you’ll be fine.”
“What’s going on with Sunny’s socks?”
“Here, listen,” Stacey said, and she leant even closer towards me. “Tell me summat, would you? Sunny promises me he’s not into summat called fisting, but I don’t know whether to believe him. Do you boys do any fisting? I’m worried about his laggy band, is all.”
Had I stepped through a looking glass somewhere between the newsagent’s and the food bank? Fortunately, Sunny came back, weighed down with rucksacks and bags, and I didn’t have to answer. Stacey, upon seeing her son, changed the subject.
“Are you sure you won’t stay the night?” Stacey said. “The whole gang’s going up the Bells for a knees-up tonight. Denise from Asda will be there. The horse-faced trollop.”
Was this a test? She was testing me.
“Sorry, Mum, I have a meeting with the editor of theSentineltonight.”
“You mean your boyfriend’s dad?” She hooked a thumb in my direction. Boyfriend? Wow. I mean, I liked it, but, um, boundaries? Sunny and I hadn’t had that chat yet.
“Yes, Mum. But he’s also a very powerful man, and he might just be willing to give me a job… on account of themassivenational story that I broke that is on the front page of today’sSentinel… and I’ve left a copy in the kitchen, so you can actually read it for once.” It was one of those slow, hint-dropping sentences with drawn-out words designed to give the other person enough time to catch on. It didn’t work. Stacey was staring at me, hand gripped in an unsubtle fist, face demanding an answer to her earlier question. Sunny’s single-minded drive was starting to make a lot more sense to me now that I’d met his mother.
“Mum, are you even listening?”
The fist was whipped behind her back.
“Of course I am, love. Well done. I’m very proud of you. I just meant if it’s your boyfriend’s dad, then he won’t mind waiting a day so you can spend an evening with your old mum.”
Sunny looked ready to blow, so I rode into what I hoped was the rescue.
“Alas, it’s my fault,” I said. “I have a hundred and twenty-two toddlers in tutus relying on me to turn up and help them perfect their pliés tomorrow morning. Can’t let the kiddies down.”
“All right then, love,” Stacey said, pulling Sunny into a hug. He hugged her back. Less reluctantly than I might have imagined, given this bizarre exchange. Stacey’s eyeballs were on me, and the fist was back. I raised a hand and shook my head, silently reassuring her that her son’s laggy band, whatever on God’s green earth that was, was safe. She smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I’ve always been good with mothers.
Chapter75
Sunny
Ludo and I were sitting on the Boche family patio, too shy to hold hands in front of his parents but letting our knees touch. Given they’d interrupted us practically banging in a nightclub, this level of modesty might have been over the top, but I was potentially here for a job interview. For the same reason, Ludo had made me wear a collared shirt and chinos. And pants. I was basically dressed like him. Beverley reached over to the coffee table and grabbed a handful of nuts, then sat back on the lounge.
