“Which is utter nonsense, by the way,” Hugo continued. “Beverley and I worked opposite each other early in our careers. You just create a few ground rules. It’s not hard. Frankly, it’s been the secret to our success. We’ve pushed each other, driven each other forward. It has lifted us both up, professionally and personally. It’s about trust. It’s as simple as that.”
“Trust,” I said. The word echoed around my head, repeating on me, like Hugo had shouted it into an empty canyon. I stood up. “Thank you for the pep talk, Hugo. I appreciate it a lot. I really do. I think I better go and find Ludo.”
Hugo drained his glass and stood up.
“I think I better go and find more wine,” he said.
Chapter43
Ludo
Iwas sitting on the wall out the front of the house, looking out into the darkness of Hampstead Heath and absolutely raging. The night was filled with the sound of London celebrating—music, fireworks, and the distant burble and laughter of people. The air was chilly, so I shoved my hands deep into the pockets of my chinos. A fox sauntered across the street, stopped to regard me, then continued on his way—too wily to be bothered with a weeping homosexual. I heard footsteps on the loose gravel path behind me but didn’t bother turning around to see who it was. I wished I’d walked farther down the street, or into the park.
“We need to talk,” Sunny said. His Leicester accent had been fully deployed, and it sounded alarmingly aggressive. His arms were folded. He looked mad. What the ruddy hell did he have to be mad about? I was the one with good reason to be angry.
“Not here,” I said. I nodded in the direction of the heath. “Let’s go for that walk.” I didn’t want anyone overhearing what I had to say, let alone whatever Sunny might be about to say.
We walked in silence along the narrow dirt path for a few minutes, me in front, Sunny behind. He wasn’t wearing his hoodie, and I heard him shiver against the cool. I enjoyed his discomfort. Freeze to death, you bastard. I knew this path like the back of my hand. I’d run along it as a child. It was the shortcut from the house up to Parliament Hill, with its sweeping views across London. I’d meant to bring Sunny up here to look at the city lights and see the fireworks going off across the city, from Hackney to Harlesden to Belsize Park. There’d probably be hundreds of people up there right now, all with the same idea. Lovers sitting on rugs, families sharing late-night picnics, groups of teens underage drinking.
I steered Sunny to a quiet hollow by the ponds instead. When I thought my tears had sufficiently dried, I stopped, turned around, and faced him. Sunny had a face like thunder.
“Did you tell your old man not to give me a job?”
There it was. He really was just like all the rest.
“Yes.” I let the word sink in like a blade.
“Why would you do that, Ludo?”
“I guess I thought you were different. I should have known better, really.” I was shaking now, and I wished I wasn’t. “Let me ask you a question: Did you ever like me for me? Or were you just using me to get a job at theSentinel?” I felt the tears spill and roll down my cheeks.
“What? No! I would never do that.”
“Everyone else does it. Why the hell would you be any different?”
“What are you talking about?” Sunny was pacing back and forth now, eyes cast down. He looked as tight as a spring.
“Lucy, Krishnan, you. You’re all the same. You look at me and you don’t see Ludo Boche. You see Hugo Boche’s son. You don’t see a person, you see a step on a career ladder.”
“That’s absolute bollocks, Ludo! When have I ever said or done anything to make you think that?”
“In Shetland! When you said you wanted to work for a respectable newspaper.”
“What’s wrong with that? It’s my dream, Ludo. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. It wasn’t about you or your family or the bloodySentinel.” He was stomping and red-faced. I could see it clearly, even in the dark. His eyes were wet with tears, and I wondered what they were for. “But just so you know, Ludo, I wouldneverhave taken your father’s offer. I am not afavour. Wherever I end up, I will earn my place there on merit. Not because of who I’m shagging. But what hurts, Ludo, is that you told him not to give me a shot.”
The stress of my situation was causing my brain to glitch, and I was losing track of my own thoughts and arguments. This was how gaslighting worked, but I wasn’t sure Sunny was gaslighting me. Had he ever given me cause to think he was using me to get to my father? Or was this all in my mind? Would he really have turned my father down? I had taken too long to answer him.
“This is exactly why I should never have got involved with you,” Sunny said. “I knew it was a bad idea.”
The words macheted their way into my brain, and anger boiled within me. Tears wrenched from my eyes, hot from rage.
“Is that all I am to you? A mistake?”
“Make up your mind, mate. A minute ago, you were a stepladder.”
“A step on a career ladder. Get your facts right!” I was seething now. I went in for the kill. “Oh, I forgot. You work at theBulletin. Facts don’t come into it.”
Sunny stopped pacing, his eyes connecting with mine. I could see the hurt in them. Mission accomplished. Technical knockout. I expected him to yell. I expected to see the full angry estate kid he kept bottled up inside.
