His focus flicks from my face to the packet of condoms in my hand. I flush so hard I could light up a corridor.
“Hi,” I stammer. “What are you doing here?”
We haven’t spoken in almost a year, not since he told me about his son.
“I want to talk to you, but I see you have plans.” His eyes dance as they take in my outfit.
“It’s my staff Halloween party.”
“Well, I didn’t expect you to be going out dressed like that for kicks.”
My heart hammers against my ribs. I drop my gaze to the floor. The pack of condoms are burning my palm, I try to magic them away behind my thigh.
He looks the same, as if he walked out on me yesterday. Time hasn’t changed him physically at all. But seeing him doesn’t spark anything in me except relief.
There’s no longing. No hurt. No sadness about losing what we had. The anger is gone too. He’s still the man who left me. A man I loved once. And that’s okay because I don’t need him or want him. I’m at peace with that.
He turns to go. “I’ll come back another day.”
“No, no. Come in.” I widen the door. “Say whatever it is you want to say.”
He wanders into the living room, scanning my personal belongings. There’s nothing of him here. I packed every memory away with the house move, and they’re stuffed in the attic. If a stranger came in, they’d never guess Terry Trodden ever existed in my life.
“Drink?”
He shakes his head. “Let me speak, Amz,” he says, quietly. “Then I’ll go and you can think about it all.”
“Okay.”
“Abigail and I have separated.”
I blink, not knowing what to say. The casualness drops from his shoulders, replaced with tension.
“She met someone else.” Stunned, I wander over to the sofa and sit down. “I can’t live without love, Amz. I thought I could but…”
My head snaps up. Venom poisoning the numbness. “Why are you here, Terry?”
“I want you back.” He looks wounded. Pathetic. “I made a mistake. I want you to give me another chance. You and I both know we’re meant to be together. I’ve never stopped loving you. Leaving was something I had to do.”
“Was divorcing me and knocking another woman up also a requirement?” My voice turns lethal. He flinches. “Terry, you left me because I couldn’t give you a child. I wasn’t useful in your ideal life plan.”
I stalk over to him, rising onto my tiptoes, getting in his face.
“And now, you expect me to take you back when you click your fingers. I don’t fucking think so.” My finger prods at his chest, and he steps back. “A lot has changed since I sat in our bedroom and sobbed my heart out, begging you to stay. I moved on. I suggest you do too.”
“But Amz…”
“Don’t fuckingbut Amzme,” I explode. “Who the hell do you think you are? Walking in here and asking me to take you back. Hell will freeze over before I ever let you near me again.”
He grabs for my hands; I yank them away.
“Did you really think I’ve been sitting here waiting for you?”
“No, but Ben said you and that prick, Ivan, had broken up.”
“Oh, and were you going to swoop in to save the day?” I snarl. “And he’s not a prick. He treated me beautifully. Things just didn’t work out.”
I pause, surprised at myself for defending him. The truth tastes bittersweet. But it’s the truth. I overreacted, and he hidsomething he shouldn’t have. Neither of us meant to hurt the other, but we did.
