He couldn’t understand my reasons, and he’s loyal to his sister-in-law, my ex-wife. My actions put him in a tricky situation, and I’m lucky to have maintained our bond. At one point, I thought he was going to cut ties.
“I hoped to try. We came together because of a joint dream, which we’ve realized. He’s here.” I gesture to my sleeping son. “But as soon as she fell pregnant, the physical part of our relationship ended. I assumed it was hormones. I can’t imagine women being particularly horny when they’re pregnant.”
Ben huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head.
“In my experience,” he says, “women are incredibly horny when they’re pregnant. Insatiable at certain points, if my memory serves me right. It was quite an enjoyable time for me. Most of it.”
“Your experience is very different to mine then,” I mutter, annoyed.
“My situation was different. But it wasn’t perfect, as you know. I’m in no position to advise you on how to move forward with this. It saddens me, though.” He pauses as if considering what to say next. We sit in silence for a minute. “Forget it.”
“What were you going to say?” I prompt. He waves his hand at me to ignore him. “Ben, just spit it out.”
“Okay,” he says quietly. “Things would have been very different if you and Amy had created this little man. It upsets me that you both never got to experience that. Together. A child made from love is a beautiful thing.”
“Amy,” I say with a sigh. “Fuck, I miss her. Trying to create a child caused us nothing but heartache. I wanted nothing more than to have a baby with her. She’ll always be the woman I love. My soulmate.”
“Do you regret your choice to leave?” he asks.
“Yes, and no.” I shrug. This is something I’ve thought about a lot, whether I made the right decision. “If I hadn’t left, I would never have become a father. The thought of never having Bailey isn’t worth thinking about.”
I glance at my friend holding my son, my love for Bailey overflowing.
“What I regret most is breaking her heart to realize my own dream. Thinking back, I’m not sure how I walked away. She looked so broken. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for that. Sometimes, I wonder if I started the chain reaction which caused her to lose the gym. Her dream.”
“Amy is fine, Terry,” Ben says, his tone sharp. He squares his shoulders slightly as if getting ready for battle. “What you did to herwasunforgivable.”
My eyes pop from my head. I thought we had gotten past this, but obviously not.
“But I think you’re placing too much importance on yourself if you think you’ve ruined her life. Don’t give yourself so much credit. Amy’s a strong woman, and she’s moving forward, albeit in a different direction.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snap, annoyed by the change in tone of our conversation.
“It means you made your bed. Bloody lie in it. Amy gave up the gym through choice. She wanted something different from life. Everything got on top of her, and she needed a change… a fresh start.” He lets the words settle like dust. “And,” he says, “I think she may have found the fresh start she was looking for.”
My spirits fall. I know what that means?she’s met someone. I have no right to be jealous, but the emotion hits me like a freight train.
“Who?” I bark, louder than intended.
“Keep your voice down,” he whispers angrily, then looks at Bailey. “Ivan someone. He owns a gym or something.”
My jaw drops at his name. She’s dating that stuck-up asshole.
Ben frowns. “Do you know him?”
“I’ve met him,” I say, my blood boiling. “He’s a dickhead.”
“Well, he seemed perfectly pleasant to me when I met him.”
“You’ve met him? Are you all having fucking family gatherings or something?” He gives me a dark look.
“No, but you’ve heard about what happened to Katie?”
I shake my head, and his face falls.
“She’s in a hospital in New York after an accident on Christmas Day.”
“I didn’t know,” I say, throat tight. “Is she all right?”
