“It just feels weird,” she mumbles.
We face each other across the counter while I juice various fruits for a smoothie. I turn off the machine and walk around to her. She peeks up at me, redness spreading up her neck.
I place my hands on her lower thighs, then slowly move them upward, sliding them under the silk fabric. My fingers find her bare waist and pause. Her thighs soften around my legs. I drop my lips to her neck.
“Amy,” I whisper, “you’re here with me. That’s all that matters. Not your past or who you’ve been with. Neither of us are kids; we both have history.” I nip her neck and move my hands lower, so my thumbs sit on her inner thighs. She rests her head on my shoulder and snakes her arms around my neck. “Let’s just enjoy the incredible sex and worry about the specifics later.”
“You’re so…” she says before trails off. I peek at her, willing her to say what she wanted to.
“I’m so what?”
“Confident.”
“And is that a bad thing?”
“No, it’s just not something I’m used to in a man. Terry always needed me until he didn’t.” She sighs softly. “But I never doubted his feelings for me.”
“Do you doubt mine?”
We stare at each other for a moment. This is one of those relationship conversations I always avoid, never having allowed things to get to this stage, where I actually care about the person I’m sleeping with.
“I don’t know how you feel about me, Ivan,” she says with a shrug. “This all started because you needed a decoy, and I was convenient.”
I wince slightly at that comment, pathetically true. My grip on her thighs loosens. The shame is instant and sharp.
“For whatever reason, you wanted to continue the charade, then we discovered we have amazing sex.”
“And is that all this is? Sex?” I ask her. My voice steady but weighted. This matters. Her answer matters.
My heart beats harder as I wait for her answer. In years gone by, a woman who only wanted me for sexual pleasure would have been my dream, the ultimate goal. A pussy on tap and no commitment. With this woman, I want our liaison to mean more.
“I hated you before,” she says. “How can’t it be only about the sex? This…” Her hand circles the air. “Doesn’t make any sense. How can two people who couldn’t stand each other be together?”
“I found you attractive from the first day I met you,” I tell her.
“But you didn’t like me,” she points out.
“I was under the impression you had poached Trey. I was pissed off. So, yes, I had preconceived ideas.”
This conversation is becoming more serious by the second, and I’m not sure I like it. There are certain topics I don’t want to broach now. Every instinct tells me to pull away, to make a joke, but she deserves better.
“I was wrong. Trey set me straight a few months later. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have been so rude at our first meeting.”
“Apology accepted,” she says with a smile that speaks directly to my cock, which begins to stir.
“Look, I like you. A lot. We don’t need to decide right now. Let’s go to Thailand, have fun, then see what happens when we come home. Nothing is set in stone.”
She nods and leans forward, placing her lips on mine. I pull back, and she blinks.
“Please let me eat, then I’ll take you to bed and we can stay there until we need to leave for the airport. I’ll get my housekeeper to pass food under the door.”
“You have a housekeeper?”
“I’m a busy man. I need help around the house. And now that I have a woman to keep satisfied, I’m going to be run off my feet.”
After one more quick kiss, I return to making our breakfast, the future pressing on the edge of my thoughts like a lie I’m not ready to face.
Chapter thirty-three
