“As it turns out…” She sniffed again and wiped her nose. “I am with child –”
“Thalia!” Rosaline cried. “That is –” She caught her tongue when she realized that this was not the wonderful news it sounded like. “The Duke… did he not…”
“He does not know,” Thalia admitted. “I meant to tell him, but I could not bring myself to do so.”
“Why not?”
Her chin began to wobble. “I believed that he and I were growing close, Rosaline. Silly me, I even believed that we were starting to… that we were… that he loved me as I do him.”
“You love him?” She sounded shocked by the notion.
She nodded her head, not caring that tears began to well. “I do, as I have now for some time. But I have also come to realize that he likely does not feel the same about me, and once he learns that I am with child, he will see no need to pretend that he cares for me at all. This child…” Her hand moved to her stomach. “It isa gift and a curse, as I fear that once he knows of it, our marriage will be over.”
“Oh, Thalia…”
“I love him,” Thalia said again. “I know that now. I just do not know what I will do when he casts me aside…” The tears fell thickly and freely, and she nuzzled her head into her friend’s shoulder. “For that is what he is sure to do. I know it as I know anything.”
“Do you wish to know what I think?” Rosaline stroked Thalia’s head. “If what you say is true, and you do love the Duke with all your heart, then I doubt he thinks nothing of you. Likely, he feels for you as you do for –”
“But he does not,” Thalia cut over her, blubbering as she did. “He had the chance to say it, but all he cares about is what people think of us.”
“Are you certain?” Rosaline questioned. “It might sound silly to say but love is not something that simply appears one day and vanishes the next. Nor is it something that can live on its own. I know you well, Thalia, so I know you would not feel this way was it not for good reason…” She shuffled back and forced Thalia to look at her. “These feelings came because you know the Duke feels them too. If he did not, they would not be there.”
Thalia shook her head. “It is not as simple as that.”
Rosaline smiled. “Where love is concerned, you might be surprised. If your feelings are true, then I know with all my heart that the Duke feels them as you do.”
“You cannot know that.”
“Maybe not,” Rosaline agreed. “Nor can you. There is just the one way to find out and until you do…” She chuckled softly, her smile growing. “It is not over for you, Thalia. There is still hope.”
Hope… it was a word that did not burn inside of Thalia like it might have once. She wanted to believe that hope existed. She wanted to believe that the Duke cared for her. But whenever she dared to dream it, she would remember how he had acted, his refusal to say anything that suggested feelings for her, and then she would crash once more.
Hope made a fine breakfast but a poor supper, and Thalia was feeling so starved that she knew she would wither and die was she to rely on something as fleeting as hope for much longer.
No… I must accept the truth and live with it. Better that than holding out for hope when I know deep down that it will do me no good.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Caspian, did you hear what I just said?” Ironvale asked with a tone that spoke to his exasperation.Caspian did hear what his best friend said, he just wasn’t so certain that he cared. He knew that he should care. He knew how important it was to his own sense of self-worth that he cared. He knew that was he the man who he thought, then caring was exactly what he would be doing.
I am not who I thought… and that is a reality that I am still trying to come to terms with. Everything I believe of myself, that I have told others, is a lie.
“If now is a bad time?” Ironvale pivoted.
Caspian was standing by the window of his office, looking outside and over the garden with a sense of longing that he refused to explain. He had never cared about the garden before, and he had hardly once taken note of the damn thing. It was a part of his estate, it existed to give beauty to his home, there tobe admired and remind all those who visited him of his wealth and status. But that was it.
Now, to look at it, Caspian found himself unable to look away. He was transfixed by the beauty found in that garden, wondering how he had never noticed it before.
He supposed that was the irony in all of this, that something so perfect could be right under his nose this whole time, only to go unnoticed entirely…
“Now is as good a time as any,” Caspian said. A final moment taken, his stare transfixed on the garden, and he turned around, forcing it from his mind. Just as he forced away the feelings the garden provoked… again, for reasons he knew but refused to admit.
“Are you sure about that?” Ironvale looked uneasy. “I can return later if –”
“No,” Caspian spoke over him. His stomach cramped with the simple mention of being left alone… “Let us be about it. Seeing as you are here.” He exhaled and walked to his desk where he sat down. “Tell me what you have learned.”
Ironvale watched Caspian with that same unease he had done earlier. He clearly knew that something was wrong, he just wasn’t sure if he should say something to that effect. After all, Caspian was not one to show his emotions, or to be spoken to about them. But with how he strangely was behaving…
