He was still guarded around her. He was still not able to give himself over to her fully. When they were in bed together, he transformed into someone else entirely, and in those moments she knew how he felt. But then the deed would be done, and the old Caspian would return.
In many ways, Thalia should have been happy. She knew that this relationship was a step-by-step process and if things continued in this way that soon the love would come. Better, that soon he would want to show it to her, no matter who might be watching.
However, things were no longer that simple, and while time was what this relationship needed to see it blossom fully, time was exactly what they no longer had.
Should I tell him? Should I take that risk? I want to… I am so sure that if I do, he would be thrilled by the news. But what if I am wrong? What if I still can’t read my husband as well as I would like?
“I will see you downstairs,” he said, turning and walking from the room.
This time, Thalia turned to watch as he walked from the room. As she did, her hand moved to her belly…
It was yesterday when Thalia realized what had happened. For days, she had suspected, and for those days she had prayed that she was wrong. Now, there could be no denying the truth: Thalia was pregnant.
What should have been the most wonderful news brought with it agonizing worry. As far as she and Caspian had come together, she still could not say for certain what their future held. She knew that he wanted a child, just as she knew that this very child would end their marital obligations. That was, after all, why he wished to wed in the first place.
One she had this child, and once he no longer needed her, Thalia could not say what the Duke would do. It was nice to think that they were now in a place where even with a child on the way, the marriage would continue. And it was beyond nice—it was madly, impossibly alluring— to imagine that it might somehow bring them closer together. But Thalia was no fool.
For all she knew of her husband, there was still so much to learn. And as sure as she was that this child would not end their relationship… she was not nearly as sure as she needed to be.
I will tell him soon. I have no choice. But only when I know for certain what it will mean for the both us. Only when I know truly how Caspian feels about me.
With that in mind, Thalia looked at herself in the mirror a final time. It was too soon for her to be showing, but that would come eventually. Loose dresses. Hiding her bump. Hoping that Caspian paid little attention to it. These were stopgaps and not serious solutions to hide from him the truth.
She thus found herself in a state of limbo. On the one hand, she loved him, and that was now a truth she could no longer deny. But did he love her back? Did he feel anything for her beyondhis desire for a child? And what would become of them once the truth was finally revealed? Thalia had no idea, and this terrified her more than she could bear.
“How long do you think we are expected to be here before we can leave without it being considered rude?” Caspian asked Thalia as they emerged into the back garden of Moorvale Estate.
Thalia snorted. “We have literally just arrived.”
“So, it is too soon?”
They walked hand-in-hand, and Thalia glanced at her husband out the corner of her eye to see if he was being serious. To her delight, she caught hint of the tiniest smirk on his lips—which, for Caspian, was akin to beaming with humor.
“Who are you and what have you done to my husband?” she demanded.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Making jokes,” she pointed out. “Very unlike you.”
He shrugged and indicated across the garden with a flick of his head. “We can’t be too careful now, can we. Someone might be listening. Best to start on the love-filled banter early.”
Her heart sank. “Ah… yes, good point. Best to keep up appearances.”
“Exactly,” he said, squeezing her hand as they walked. “With any luck, we won’t be forced to attend to many more of these trivialities.”
“Let us hope,” she sighed.
Why was it always this way? Just when Thalia thought that she was getting through to her husband, he would say something seemingly designed to slap away her hope as if he could sense that things were becoming too companionable.
In Thalia’s mind, she believed they were attending today’s garden party because they wished it. A chance to spend time with friends, to enjoy one another’s company, and to bask in the feelings that were clearly developing between husband and wife. But to Caspian, as he just made clear, they were here for a purpose. Worse than that, it was a purpose that was not natural for him; one that he had to work to maintain, as if to not do so would see him spurn her without thinking.
He wants to be here. He wants to be here with me. I just wish he would admit it already. I wish he would stop hiding!
Almost on instinct, Thalia’s hand moved to her belly… but she stopped it quickly, not daring to give any indication of what only she knew.
“Come.” She pulled on his hand. “Let us see who we know…” She winked playfully at him. “So that we can get out of here sooner.”
To her relief, Caspian chuckled.
