Thalia hesitated, remembering what happened the last time they had slept together. She looked up at Caspian, whose eyes were closed as his breathing returned to normal. She should have just left it, happy to stay in the moment…
“I wonder if I will be with child,” she said daringly.
Caspian exhaled. “That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”
“Are you not?”
“Honestly…” He pulled away to better look at her. It was dark in the carriage, but his eyes sparkled and she could see in them how he truly felt. No longer cold. No longer distant. He saw her like he never had before. “… as things stand, I don’t really care.”
Thalia beamed and leaned up and kissed him on the lips.
It had taken so long to get here. More than once, she did not think it would ever happen. But for the first time, Thalia felt like this right here was a real marriage, with a man who she cared for as much as he cared for her. For many, that might seem such a small thing, but for them it was huge.
Finally, this marriage was ready to begin.
Chapter Nineteen
It felt strange for Caspian to feel as nervous as he did. It was not as if he was about to do anything that necessitated such a feeling. It was not as if he should feel embarrassed, or even unsure what the answer was going to be to the question he was set to ask.
What is happening to me? That I feel so nervous suggests that I care. And while it would be nice to simply dismiss such an idea as folly… it is high time that I stop lying to myself.
I do care, and there is nothing wrong with that.
“Good morning,” he greeted his wife as he strode into the breakfast room. “How did we sleep?”
“Wonderfully.” Thalia beamed to see him coming for her, and he offered her a smile. “And yourself?”
“I have never felt better.”
As he walked into the room, Caspian’s first thought was to go to where Thalia was sitting and to kiss her on the lips. To show her how he felt, no longer bothering to hide his desires and his emotions as he had spent his entire life doing. Dammit, when he woke this morning, his first thought was of her lips and their taste and how he yearned to feel them.
He did not kiss her, however. Despite how far he and Thalia had come, Caspian did not think that they were quite in that place… yet.
“I am glad to hear it.” She smiled and went back to her plate of food. As she did, she hummed lightly to herself, and the smile did not leave her lips even once.
Caspian paused at the end of the table, still very much transfixed by his wife.
It was a sunny morning, and the sun shone white through the window and over his wife, lighting her up as if a halo was emanating from her body. Caspian had always thought Thalia to be beautiful, but today he realized how far short that description fell.
She is beyond beautiful. She is transcendent. An angel come from heaven and gifted to me for reasons I cannot comprehend.
He could not stop looking at her. And he could not stop thinking about what they had done last evening… dangerous to do, because Caspian’s blood began to run hot and his legs began totremble at the thought. But for once, he did not care about such things.
Last night had not been intended to happen the way it did. Their only plan had been to attend the Ball and remind the ton that their marriage was a happy one. It was an easy enough reminder to give, as he and Thalia were in a place where they could be comfortable around one another without having to force it.
Only then, he had seen her dancing with Northwick. He had seen her laughing and smiling, and he had noticed the way Northwick held her. That lit a fire of envy inside of Caspian like he could not have predicted, and before he knew what he was doing, he was acting on impulses he’d spent so long trying to contain.
It was his fault, he knew. All of it. This marriage. How poorly it started. How terribly he had treated his wife. Not done on purpose, but that didn’t make it any better. Now that he knew it, and now that he was willing to try and fix it, Caspian was excited to see what might happen.
That’s right! Excited. I did not want this marriage but now I can’t imagine a world where it did not happen as it has done. And it is time that I prove this to Thalia… even more than I did last evening.
“I had a thought earlier,” Caspian started as he walked down the length of the table.
“Oh?” she looked up.
“Yes…” His tongue grew thick in his mouth, nerves starting to wreck him. “Do you have any plans today?”
“I am as free as a bird,” she said.
