Chapter 5
That Happened
The edges of an orgasm burned any doubt from Anna’s mind. At least any doubt about having sex with Conor. His hands and mouth on her body were even more erotic than she’d imagined all those years ago.God!Why had she denied herself this pleasure when she’d been healthy?You were a fool,her body screamed.That’s why!
She propped herself up on her elbows and watched—mesmerized—as his mouth explored the wet slit of her pussy. When his tongue darted inside, she moaned. “Oh Lord,” she whispered. “So good.”
She fisted his hair with one hand, his head undulating beneath her grip as he licked and sucked and fucked her with his mouth. Rocking her hips forward, she urged him to go deeper, his tongue dancing over the sweet spot just an inch or so inside her channel. “Oh God. Oh God.” The slow burn of lust and desire raged into a bonfire threatening to consume her with its heat.
Conor snorted, hot breath blowing out across her skin as he wrapped his arms around the backside of her thighs, lifting her for better access. He darted his tongue in and out. She felt him so impossibly deep. When his teeth scraped her clitoris, the stimulation drove her over the tenuous edge. She cried out as the flood of ecstasy tore through her, her pussy clenching and unclenching at the relentless stabs of his tongue. She threw back her head and arched her back as her hips bucked and legs quivered in his grasp until she could only make desperate noises of total surrender.
When she could finally breathe again, Anna stroked her fingers through Conor’s thick hair as he nuzzled his cheek against her thigh. “Well,” she said, exhausted and sated. “That happened.”
Conor tilted his face toward hers. “Yes, it did. And it can happen every day for the rest of your life if you’d only say yes, Anna.”
A tingle stirred in her groin, the beginnings of arousal, as his words glided on her skin. With her heightened senses, she could see his face glistening with her fluids. A more modest part of her thought she should be embarrassed to have the evidence of her excitement plastered all over his scruffy cheeks, but the part of her that had ridden the wave to nirvana found the sight sexy as hell.
Anna sighed. Longing and need drew her lower parts tight again when he licked around his mouth and smiled. To say he wore a wolfish-grin might sound cliché, but she couldn’t think of a better way to describe how truly pleased he seemed. “You know I can’t.”
“I know nothing of the kind. There’s no reason for you to go back to that… Life.” He spit out the word as if it were bitter fruit. He’d started up her body, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him. “I don’t understand, Anna. Make me understand.”
“Sam.” She blurted softly. Her son.
When Conor had offered her a new life, she’d made all kinds of overtures about being ready to die. Getting sick hadn’t been part of her plan, but she’d come to accept it in the end. She’d made preparations, had her will in order, her funeral already paid for, and arrangements had been made for her son. Anna fought the hot tears threatening to roll fat and heavy down her cheeks. She’d just shared a beautiful, magnificent moment with the love of her life, and all she could do was mourn a future she wouldn’t live to see. “I can’t live, knowing my son won’t be there with me at the end.”
Conor jerked away from her. His glare pierced the darkness to the depths of her soul. “I never thought I’d say this of you, Anna. But you’re a coward.”
His words slapped her across her face—more damaging than an open hand. She flinched. “How can you say that to me? Without you in my life, I’ve had to be brave every waking moment.” She’d regretted turning him down all those years ago, and since then, she’d had to find a wayevery dayto make it without Conor. Sam had been the one person who’d kept her from losing her mind.
“No.” His anger made her recoil. “You hide when things get tough, Anna. I don’t know why I thought now might be different. When it comes down to it, you always make theeasychoice. Not the choice that will make you happy, but the one that disrupts your life the least.”
“Stop it,” she said. Her own rage simmered. “Just stop.”
“Why should I? What do I have to lose? You?” He barked a sardonic laugh. “You’d actually have to be mine for that to happen.”
“Fuck you, Conor Evans.” Anna shoved him, but he didn’t budge. “You don’t know anything about my life or the choices I’ve made. None of them have been easy.” She scowled and leaned forward until her nose nearly touched his. “Staying with a man I didn’t love. Not easy. Living a life without you. Not easy.” Anna poked Conor’s chest. “You say I’m not yours. Well, asshole, I’ve never been anyone’s but yours. It has been a complicated and miserable existence without you. My son has been the only light in an otherwise dark life. So, excuse me if I’m reluctant to watch him die.”
His eyes widened and the edges of his mouth softened. He caressed her cheek, his fingers tracing the edge of her ear. “Then watch him live.”
“What?” His words startled her. She’d spent four years fighting cancer. Four years of coming to terms with death. She’d left nothing unsaid between her and Sam. His life would go on without her.
“Watch him live.” His mouth moved over her lips, brushing them with a light kiss. “You’re so focused on him dying. You forget he’s only twenty-one years old, Anna. He still has years ahead of him. Years of falling in love, getting married, having a career, buying a home, having children—all these wonderful things will happen for Sam, and you, well, you won’t be around because you’re too afraid it will hurt when old age finally takes him.”
Anna gasped as a sob broke from her chest. She couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her cheeks. Was Conor right? How many times had she wished she could be around to witness Sam become a man? Conor was offering her exactly what she needed. Time. Could she make this choice? The choice to live?
“Yes.” The word, full of emotion, bypassed her brain as it tumbled from her lips. “Yes, I want you to change me. Make me a part of this cull,” she said clearly, so they would both know she meant it.
