I touch his face with my fingertips. I cannot help it.
This action, on my part, is more surprising to me than anything else that has passed between us in the study.
I, Annabelle de Lacey, would let a man tup me in almost any fashion—and I have. But that I would then take his face between my hands and kiss him tenderly—just as I kiss Alfred on his lips now—and say to him, “Do not worry,” nowthatis shocking.
But that is what I do. And he smiles at me as if I have brought the sunlight back into the room, as if I have that power.
“I will remember about William Acton. You will say it, truly, if you are serious?”
“Yes. I promise. When I say it, if I ever say it, you will know that I am not in the mood for any nonsense. But I must warn you, Alfred, that I am more often than not in the mood for nonsense.”
“That is very good. Because it has been weeks since I’ve come to live for your nonsense.”
I kiss him again at that. It can’t be helped.
“But perhaps I shouldn’t spend in inside of you,” he says, frowning. “We should be more careful. If you do not want a child.”
I no longer know whether he should either. I had my plan—but now I don’t know if it is practical. Matters have become so complicated between us.
“Perhaps not,” I say.
“I won’t do it again.”
I press another kiss to his lips instead of responding. I know, deep inside, that he will. That we will. I am not sure howI know this.
It may be because I still want an heir.
And because, deep down, I still want him to sire the child.
Even if I cannot say where this road will end with us.
Even if such an outcome will only make our inevitable end messier.
Chapter 30
Alfred
Dear Henry,
I will not pretend that I am anything but completely lost.
Indeed, I understand if we have reached the end of ourfriendship. I do not want to harm you by our association.
Because not only have I exited our club—but I have done the necessary act many times over.
Further, I did not take your last post script to heart.
We were caught. And now that there is no need for subterfuge, I am living with her.
I needn’t say, of course, that we are unmarried.
If you cannot write me, I will not be affronted. The bonds of friendship can only extend so far. I only wanted to write you so that you may hear it from me.
Your friend,
Alfred
After informing Henry of what happened and knowing he will tell the others, I have no further concerns.
