“I cannot force you. I merely ask for your consideration.”
She gives only a stiff nod in reply.
The beautiful intimacy of our eveningtogether is at an end, I can see that. And I am not sure how I could have gone so quickly from the most joyful moment of my entire existence—to this sense of cold shame.
Regardless, the spell between us has broken.
She is already dressing. And I know that I should do the same.
The hour is late. I must return to the vicarage or risk being discovered.
And yet I do not want to leave her. I want to stay here with her. I want to hold her as my own until the morning. But such things are not possible. So I merely stand there naked, vulnerable, wishing that she would come closer as I watch her dress.
“I return to London soon, Alfred. A week or two if I can manage it. In the meantime, I will be busy with my arrangements,” she says, not looking at me. “I will only call you to me once or twice more. It will be all I have time for. It is not wise for me to stay here.”
Of course, I understand the threats to her safety.
The men here are more than menacing—it is only a slight exaggeration to say that they hunt her. But the idea that she would leave Trescott and never come back slices through me with an echoing, ruining pain.
“Must you leave? Could we not extend our arrangement?”
“Alfred.Wehave no arrangement. I am using you for my own pleasure. I am disgracing you.”
“I do not feel that way, Annabelle. I do not feel disgrace when I am with you.”
“You are a fool then. Anyone who discovered our relation would only see your shame—and my infamy. Our paths will never cross again once I depart for London. I will not be returning to Trescott for a long time.”
“I travel to London. I have friends there. I could visit you.”
“Alfred, I do not want such a thing.”
I am begging. I know that. I realize that I am horrifically attached to her. I see that now.
Before I was distracted by what she allowed me to experience, how she freed me from the constraints on my body.
Of course, such a feeling could not be mutual.
But I am used to regarding her as powerful and indifferent to me. It is not an affront, because she is meant to be above me. The truth is that I will take any scrap I can obtain from her.
“Please,” I say, tendering the only plea I can. “Stay while I dress. I want to bid you adieu properly.”
For a moment, I think she will refuse. But she does not move to leave.
I dress as quickly as I can while she watches. When I look up, her blue eyes are filled with some expression I can’t fathom. I approach her.
“May I embrace you?” I ask.
“Very well,” she says stiffly.
I take her in my arms. She does not melt into me as I would like. But she also does not refuse me. I need her nearness so much that I don’t care. I kiss her forehead.
“Until you call me next,” I say with a whisper. Inhaling her scent like a dying man gasping for breath, I let her faintly vanilla aroma seduce me afresh.
And then I force myself to turn and leave.
Chapter 21
Annabelle
