The girl pauses, clearly considering her options. Then she nods.
Her grandmother puts the draught to her lips. I stand there, feeling ineffectual.
When she has swallowed the entire draught, Miss de Lacey gives a nod of approval. The girl smiles.
“Feel better now, Miss Victoria,” Miss de Lacey says, standing.
I follow Miss de Lacey back into the front room. It has begun to rain, and light drops are hitting the ground outside.
“I must away,” Miss de Lacey says. “Come, Mr. Saintsbury. I will take you back to the vicarage. You can’t walk in this rain.”
My mind rebels. No, I can’t go with her. The idea of riding with her in a carriage is agony.
I will humiliate myself. Worse than last time. I know it and my stomach drops with dread.
We reach the outdoors. I gulp the fresh air after the close warmth of the cottage.
“I will walk,” I say, once we are out of earshot of the Ludlows. “I do not mind the rain.”
Miss de Lacey looks at me. Once more, her face is an impassive mask.
“Get in the carriage, Mr. Saintsbury. It is an order.”
“I-I-I-” I stutter, the word stretching in the moist air, an embarrassing, naked sound.
I cannot enter that carriage. I know what will happen. So close to her, I have no hope of not becoming aroused. And if I get a cockstand—acockstand—in that carriage, I will surely lose my post.
Even Miss de Lacey, the notorious Miss de Lacey, could not countenance such depravity. In her vicar no less.
“I won’t accept a refusal, Mr. Saintsbury,” she says, climbing into the carriage.
Of course, to deny her will also endanger my post.
I swear softly.
I must count on my self-command.
Surely I can withstand her.
I must.
With the stakes so high, I have no other option.
And I have spent recently. Twice, to my shame. Surely I can stave off a reaction.
I climb into the carriage after her.
The conveyance pulls forward.
“You do not keep a carriage?” she asks.
“It is not worth the expense when I can just as easily walk,” I answer, trying not to look at her, trying to keep the inhibiting effect of the Ludlow cottage with me.
“Many men of your station would regard a lack of carriage as beneath them.”
“Foolish. When I don’t need it.”
“Except when it rains.”
