“And gentlemen, unlike ladies, are not used to waiting about for the actions and decisions of others to determine their own course,” she said with a little smile. “You are concerned about how this will affect Miss Darcy’s prospects, I imagine.”
“And my own,” he said. “If she were to bring such a suit, it might drag on for many months, and while it continued, she would have reason to officially object to my marriage to another, and thereby prevent it.”
She looked at him curiously. “I did not know you were contemplating entering the married state at any time soon.”
“I have only recently begun to.” Quickly, acting instinctively if not a little impulsively, he added, “Miss Elizabeth, I have been attempting these last weeks to display my deep admiration and regard for you, though I think I have not quite succeeded.” He lifted her hand from his arm and raised it, feeling Elizabeth’s quiet intake of breath as his lips brushed her knuckles, soft as a spring breeze. “I will not speak further at this moment, for I can see that I have surprised you. I will only ask that you consider whether or not you could ever view me as more than a friend.”
She was quiet for a moment—nearly long enough to worry him—but then, blushing deeply, she said softly, “I will certainly think upon what you have just said. And you—will you go to town, or stay?”
“Oh, I will most certainly stay. No business there could possibly be more important than the task before me.” He smiled widely to see her intense blush deepen further.
CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
Elizabeth certainly did thinkabout what Mr Darcy had said to her at their last meeting. Indeed, she found she could concentrate upon little else! Jane, it seemed, had discerned what she had not. That Mr Darcy spoke of admiration and hinted at a desire for a courtship had astonished her. It was true that he had called her ‘very handsome’ during his apology for his remarks at their first encounter, but few ladies have the heart to believe themselves really handsome in a gentleman’s view after hearing themselves so roundly derided, apology or no. That his second description of her was more sincere than she had believed seemed likelynow, but his first offence, though truly forgiven, must certainly have formed the greater part of her failure to acknowledge an attraction to a handsome, intelligent, single gentleman who, in hindsight, had been paying her a deal of attention.
Another part, of course, was that the Mr Darcys of the world did not pursue the Miss Bennets—not for any honourable reason, at least. Never could she imagine him having some illicit purpose. He was too upright and honest for any such scheme, and the sort of man who would pursue a dishonourable arrangement would have taken great care to conceal his interest from her family. He certainly would not have come calling so openly.
He had urged her to consider whether she could view him as more than a friend, and this she did most seriously. He was her friend, and a dear one.He is the best of men. How many others of his station, with his responsibilities, would do as he had done in Meryton? Few, if any, she believed.
The revelations about his aunt’s scheming, combined with her recollection of Miss Darcy’s narrow escape from a fortune hunter only months ago, made her heart ache; he was beset on all sides by those who saw only his holdings, and not the admirable man he was. As a brother, he was excellent; she had not only dear Georgiana’s testimony to this, but her own observation. He would not, she thought, be any less careful of a wife. The mere thought thatshecould be that wife was enough to make her knees tremble. And yet she was not concerned that he would be too cautious with her sensibilities, for he had proved again and again that he respected her mind and her desire to know the truth of things.
She began in the following days to acknowledge to herself that he was exactly the man who, in disposition and talents, would most suit her. His understanding and temper, though unlike her own, would answer all her wishes. By her ease and liveliness, his mind might be softened, his manners improved, and from his judgment, information, and knowledge of the world she must receive benefits of equal importance. His very great handsomeness did not at all harm his cause, either, truth be told. That, she had noticed from the beginning of their acquaintance, although she had kept hidden any admiration of his countenance. It was not long before she honestly felt that she could love him, if he truly wished it.
He continued to visit often, but never by word or deed pressed her for a decision, or even a hint. She rather thought that this must take some effort for a man who was surely accustomed to receiving whatever he might want, almost immediately upon conceiving the desire. His restraint and consideration were further marks in his favour.
Unbeknownst to her, Elizabeth’s distraction was noticed, and after a whispered conference among her sisters it was of course Jane who came to speak with her. She invited herself along on Elizabeth’s walk one morning; when they were not far from the house, she said, “Lizzy, we have all have been worried about you. You have been very quiet and serious this last week. Will you not tell me what troubles you?”
“Oh,” she replied with a little laugh, “I am sorry. I have had something on my mind, but it is nothing bad. In fact, I think it might be very good.” She related then the substance of Mr Darcy’s admission of his feelings, and her own thoughts on the matter. Jane did not seem at all surprised, and went so far as to lift her eyebrows at Elizabeth in a very significant manner, but she was kind enough to remain silent about her earlier suspicions.
“It sounds as though you are seriously considering him, Lizzy. We all know him to be a most excellent gentleman, though I confess I had always pictured you with someone of a more gregarious nature. But that is nothing, if you really like him…if you really believe you could love him.”
“I should think, my dear Jane, that it would be difficult not to love such a man, if he condescended to love me. Already he is a dear friend, his further affection an honour I had not dared hope for, and a lady could do much worse than to look at him across the breakfast table for fifty years,” she added saucily, making her sister laugh. “And, of course, his sister is everything sweet and amiable, and not the least of the inducements in his favour.”
“She would be a pleasant addition to the family,” Jane agreed.
After a moment’s thought, Elizabeth continued on a more serious note. “In practical terms, he is well able to support a wife, and any of her sisters who require a home in later years. He is too kind-hearted to ever mistreat his wife or his children, and indeed I would imagine him as a most indulgent husband and father.”
“It rather sounds, Lizzy, as if you have talked yourself into falling in love with him already,” Jane said lightly.
“I very nearly have, I think!” Elizabeth admitted. “I hold myself in check for two reasons—one, that he has not explicitly stated his wishes, and two, that I am not certain I could enter his sphere and fail to embarrass him. We are but country gentry—we have not had the upbringing or the education of those in his class.”
Jane was quiet, and Elizabeth saw she was considering her words carefully. “I think you must discuss it with him. We may speculate all we like on what society would think of you, but he is in a position to know—it is, as you say, his sphere. And surely a man of his careful nature would consider such questions for his own part, as well.”
“I can hardly imagine broaching such a subject with a gentleman to whom I am not engaged, and yet such a conversation would help me to decide, if he did propose! How would one even open it? ‘Sir, you have made me no offers, but if we were to marry, I fear my country ways might mortify you in town.’” She huffed with frustration.
“Well, perhaps not quite like that,” said Jane. “You are clever with words, Lizzy, and he is not disposed to be critical of you. I am sure you may find a way of delicately entering into the subject if only you were to consider it in less agitated spirits. Although I must say, if you will get so worked up about nothing more than a possible conversation with him, you may be more in love than you believe.”
Elizabeth felt the heat in her cheeks. It was true she had fumbled for a reply to Mr Darcy; the sensation of his lips on her hand had taken her thoughts—and her breath—away.
Jane squeezed her hand. “Is it—forgive me, Lizzy, if I speak out of turn—but is it possible that you have been attached to him, and only your belief in his indifference kept you from acknowledging it?”
Elizabeth stopped as though she had run into a wall. The events of the last weeks flashed through her mind—the quiet of the house; the anticipation of calls to and from Netherfield, restrained in frequency as they must be; the wide-ranging conversations in which she and Mr Darcy had engaged; the fact that he always seemed to sit next to her, and the fact that she always selected a seat by an available one. In retrospect, though they had not been so oblivious to the rest of the company as Jane and her Mr Bingley, they had been drawn towards each other like magnets.
“Perhaps…” she answered slowly. “I cannot be certain. I do feel some disbelief...it has been such a strange and difficult time. I had not at all considered him a possible suitor until he hinted at it, that is true, but he has become quite dear to me. Yet, as for my heart, I hardly know it.”
“I trust that it will soon become clear to you, now that he has taken the first step. He visits almost every day—tell him your concerns, and allow him to reassure you, as I am certain he will wish to do.”
Elizabeth took her sister’s arm and leaned into her fondly. “When did you become so wise, Jane?”
